For the past several months, I've been finding a way to get back into writing. It's like a part of me feels empty that the one passion which consumes my stress is the one I've pushed into the back seat. I've been waking up almost everyday thinking, dreaming about what to write. But this morning I got up feeling an immense part of my childhood missing, as if someone ripped into the good memories stored away in the bucket of my brain. Too many emotions at once – compassion, sadness, numbness, denial…so I got on Facebook this morning and read the note written by my friend KK…and I was moved! Because that was who I was in many ways. I know to some of you, a LEGEND is gone…but to me Michael Jackson is more than a legend. He was my childhood! I think we're all in a way seeking refuge on Facebook because for the first time, the entire world has found a connection…regardless of race, religion, age, status, political denomination, we all come together to praise a voice which conquered the world like no other King!! In the words of Jimi Hendrix: "Music doesn't lie. If there is something to be changed in this world, then it can only happen through music"
I was born into music!! My parents were in a way a Pakistani version of a 1970s hippie couple. My dad did pride himself on the surround sound system he blew up loud in the streets of our P.E.C.H.S neighborhood back in the late 70s, early 80s. He was practically the designated Street DJ! I remember every evening, boys who played cricket on the streets would yell out song requests over the balcony and my dad would humbly comply with all. When I was a kid, my dad had a record collection like no other – no kidding (well okay maybe aside from Tayyab Uncle's)!! Not only that, someone who had a lot of free time on their hands would record Top Of The Pops and Solid Gold overseas and send us the recorded VHS tapes…so I grew up to Jimi Hendrix, The Beatles, Dire Straits, Kenny Rogers, Led Zeppelin, The Moody Blues, ABBA, Boney M…that's when I discovered the album Off The Wall. I remember my dad used to tell me about the Jackson 5 – they weren't a big hit in Pakistan but my dad claimed Michael was one of the best voices he had heard. So I remember dancing to Michael Jackson around the living room when I was barely 3 yrs old. Music to me was an escape into a fairy tale! And my dance was my dad's pride and joy…my parents once made me perform a dance on a table in a bar in Bangkok…which was full of men dressed up as women… mind you I was 3 years old!!
When Thriller came out, I remember we all cozied up in our family room in Pakistan to watch it. I was afraid for my life hiding behind my mom the entire time the movie played. It took me several takes to finally finish it. My parents told me it was inspired by a horror movie classic "An American Warewolf in London"…and then they made me watch that movie too??!! But Thriller became the ultimate symbol of our Khandaan (aka entire desi family) back in the 80s. My dad played Billie Jean on his prized Bose speakers every night, my mamum meticulously listened to & wrote lyrics (I swear) to Billie Jean and Thriller on a piece of notebook paper which I begged 4 every time I wanted to sing along to MJ…so you know I wouldn't rape the lyrics like "Billie Jean, But My Lover" or "Beat It, No Ones Going to Eat It Eat It". My sisters and I used to stand in front of the TV practicing all his dance moves. And along the way we recruited other idiots as well…Sadia, Seher…& totally ditched Sana *lolz* And then almost every day we played the Solid Gold episode in which Thriller was ranked the #1 song…repeatedly tortured every guest who walked into our house into watching that very Solid Gold episode…I swear MJ shall never know but my family has been a 100% active UNpaid Agent of his in Pakistan! I remember my parents telling me "this is a real-life gang of NY" in the video Beat It and I was like "whatever…" They were a walking-talking-breathing MJ Encyclopedia! When one of my khalas got married in early 80s, every night, the melodies of Michael Jackson and Madonna echoed inside the shaamianas (aka tents). My cousins would break dance like MJ – one even attempted to do the moonwalk…we all had 2 refrain from laughing…indeed MJ was a Khandaani Icon!!! And remained a dream I would meet one day…
In 1987, when BAD came out, I was in L.A. at Kaku's place glued to the TV to the Martin Scorsese's directed video which I later viewed a 100-something times. When we arrived in Pakistan and my parents discovered that WE HAD BAD…!!!...they were so excited they made a deal with the neighborhood Video store…BAD for free movies for a month! Every time I watched MJ, he inspired me to another level. I was just entirely mesmerized over this man…his moves, his songs, his style, his clothes, his gloves, his high-waters. For days I'd sit in front of the TV in awe over wailing fans being dragged from his concerts by security guards, screaming fans tearing off their shirts while desperately trying to catch a glimpse of him…and then passing out when they did! I prayed to God that one day, ONE DAY, I would be just like one of those CRAZY A$$ folks…it was MY DREAM…
When I moved to the States, I continued his legacy and never gave up on that dream. So when Asim was born, I made sure he was exposed to the same insanity I had exposed myself to. By the time Asim was 3, he was well-versed in songs P.Y.T *thanks to Jabbawockeez's brilliant performance on ABDC* and Beat It! I kid you not, after abba, ammi, nana, nani, and kaala, his next words were "Mykul Dakson" – to this day the minute he climbs on to his car seat in my car, he says "Henna Kaala, P.Y.T!"
So comes 2009, it becomes apparent that my ultimate dream to slam myself against a million other people, tear my shirt in half and scream MJ's name out at the top of my lungs was finally going to come true! MJ unveiled to his fans in London his series of concerts – "final curtain call" – voila! This was to be my pilgrimage of the century! The night his tickets went on sale, Salem and I stayed up the entire night, and then the following day, on the stupid TicketMaster website searching desperately for tickets. After several hours of failed attempts, I decided to use the rolodex route and thanks to Zia, I was able to get my hands on 2 4th row center floor tickets to July 14th concert…and then months later my dream crashed….
Now I know why I'm having such a hard time dealing with MJ's death. My dream to see Michael Jackson will never be fulfilled…he is a symbol of my happy childhood…he gave me good memories…he inspired my parents so they could inspire me with the same intensity…he's inspired generations before me and will continue to inspire generations after me…he has brightened up weddings…he has connected families…he gave us friends… he made a child dream: he made me dream. …and he is my HIStory! I feel better now…
"If you enter this world knowing you are loved and you leave this world knowing the same, than everything that happens in between can be dealt with" – Michael Jackson, 1958-2009
signed: Thinker-Bell
