gRoUnDhOg DaY!!!

I wake up every day to the same thing…the same feeling of impending doom…I do the same exact thing…go to the same coffee shop…order the same nonfat latte…and go to sleep in the same rigid posture with the same when is this going to be over feeling! I have my board exam coming up in about ten days so you can just imagine how horrible I look and feel at this point…actually…no you probably can’t because unlike normal people who have everyday stress in their lives and still manage to take care of themselves and put in an effort to look presentable…I am not one of those people…I just look like crap!

So the downward spiral of my life started a couple of days ago when I woke up one morning and was just physically exhausted…I was soo tired that I got up did the regular brush my teeth and wash my face…but unlike every morning I just couldn’t put in the energy to take a shower…I literally put on a pair of jeans and walked out of my house with the same t-shirt I wore to bed! Yes I am not making that up!

The next day I realize that I have become socially incompetent…I honestly cannot even carry on a normal conversation about nothing…I think I have been reading about soo many diseases that I have forgotten the common words in the English language…it would be excusable to some point if I actually was knowledgeable about medicine but even that I cannot recall….
sooo I was talking to my mom…the last person who would give up on me…I mean she has to love me unconditionally….and she should talk to me regardless of me making any sense…so she puts me on speakerphone…tells me that she is just doing stuff but she is listening…so I go on telling her this story about a movie I watched at 2 in the morning cuz I couldn’t sleep…a couple of minutes later…I hear my dad say my name and I am like dad where did u come from…and in a confused tone he goes who are you talkin to…so I am like mom obviously who else would I be talking to…and he responds…well she left for bed bath a couple of min ago…OMG!!

And I think this morning I officially hit the lowest point of my studying career….I went to the laundromat cuz I have absolutely nothing left to wear…so I am in there tryin to get change for the washing machine and this girl next to me who is using the ATM (she is dressed all cute, hair done..makeup and all that jazz) taps me on my shoulder and is like excuse me…why isn’t the ATM working…has it been giving you these problems? My jaw just dropped open…I guess my silence and blank stare tipped her off…and she goes…omg! you don’t work here!

When is this day going to end?????

signed: Macky

FiRe AwAyYyYyY

So…today was “let’s fire someone” day at work!!! I come in…uh hmmh…stroll in at 7:45 a.m. to see this email from our CEO:

“Good morning,

Hope everyone had a relaxing weekend!

As of Friday, S and D are no longer employed with OUR COMPANY. It’s important that we move forward as a team and get ready to hire two more amazing team members. Team COMPANY is a strong team and the best team I know. See you guys soon.”

Well…what can I say…I’ve been here long enough to know any email that begins with “Hope everyone had a relaxing weekend” spells t.r.o.u.b.l.e…it’s like reading “Heyyyyyy! If you thought today was going to be just another relaxing day…well guess what??? PUNKED!!!” I mean seriously…we are now officially the Martha Stewart of BAD Corporate hiring decisions. Our new slogan: “Be all that you cannot be!” Just over the last year, we have lost 12 people guys!!!??? Those were not 12 BAD people, they were 12 MISfit people. I am about to write an email to Marcus Buckingham (author of Now Discover Your Strengths), should he need some real-life stories to talk about on bad hiring decisions, he should definitely HOLLA at my CEO, first chance, no kidding!!! I’m not trying to bad-mouth my company y’all but I’m no CEO, I’m just an average girl from the ghetto trying to weed my way through Corporate America, and if I can manage to smell an unfit hire in the first few days, then why can’t my CEO smell it too??? I mean she only got what, a 20-year head start on me. And the icing on the cake -- we were served breakfast tacos this morning, a FEAST!!!??? Surprise!!! Let’s have a taco toast to the ones we fired today…CHEERS!!! OH that sucks…

So…as I gulp down these damn good tacos during our painfully dragging Monday morning meeting, another shocker…I mean heyyyy, this just keeps getting funNER & funNER by the minute:

(E = Employee)

E1: I just spoke to this brilliant guy JOHN DOE for one of our clients…he’s awesome! I’m so excited about him {with a big smile on his face}
ELEPHANT: (remember? Queen of personal shyt at work!) WHAT? JOHN DOE? OMG if he’s the guy I think he is, OMG, he totally looks like a serial killer--
E1: Uhhh...
E2: What do you mean?
ELEPHANT: a a a a a a a don’t get me wrong…I mean he’s the sweetest guy y’all, so adorable over the phone but kid you not, in person, he’s scary, reminds you of a serial killer you know the guy from what’s-his-name movie Con-Air, remember that Native-American looking guy with tattoos all over…OMG…he looks JUST LIKE HIM
E2: Who?
ME: John Malkovich?
E3: No not him--
ELEPHANT: oh oh he was also in Quentin Tarantino’s movie with all those vampires with George Clooney in it--
ME: oooooooo him...welllll no he’s not that scary looking, is he? (I figured I’ll keep adding fuel to this fire to make our conversation last longer, I mean, it was either this or our flash report…NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO)
ELEPHANT: OMG YEAaaa…he’s scary if you’re the only one in the room with him. I mean I’m serious a a a a a a if you saw him, you would run back into your room and lock the door--
E4: oh WAIT!!! Was this the guy that E5 picked up from the airport one time for one of our client interviews and she was so scared she called me from the car, said she totally didn’t want to be with this guy all alone by herself during lunch, and WAIT did she not drop him off at the restaurant, ran to her house to pick up a knife???!!! OMG E5 carried a knife through the lunch I remember--
E2: Dude, we need to background check this guy?
E1: (still mesmerized over what he just ignited) wait…wait…can we background check him on that? I mean…isn’t that profiling?
E2: No dude, I mean if you’re scary looking with tattoos all over, you’re not a protected class I’m sorry---that’s not profiling…ha ha ha ha (fake laugh…oh I despise E2’s Dr. Evil laugh)
S: (poor S, he’s no longer here) How about we trick him into answering our questions like hey dude, how you do you make a shiv??? Or what’s the best place to stab a person at night???
E2: ha ha ha ha (fake laugh…again...ugggggghhhhhhhh)
ELEPHANT: Oh yeah…totally…I mean I’m sorry but what can we do…I mean he’s had jobs in the past but we need to do some serious OTR on this guy (OTR = off the record)

{Long pause}

E6: okay guys…here’s a brief recap of our numbers…all of you have a copy of our flash report--

ME: {timed out} {gone} {day-dreaming}

signed: Thinker-Bell

ThE OfFiCe

SO…for those of you who have spent countless hours with me I.M’ing about our FAVvorite TV shows (LOST, Prison Break, Lipstick Jungle, Supernatural, AI), you know I LURVE The Office!!!! I mean I absolutely LOVE it!!! OMG Michael is my favorite, this man makes me cry, I dig Steve Carell, I have been a devoted fan since the days of Bruce Almighty. I mean if you suffer (like me) from a disease called Corporate America, you just gotta love the show…So anyways Twinsy and I were I.M’ing yesterday about how we were so close to becoming famous bloggers only if we had been creative enough to produce a “reality” blog featuring OUR own company, OUR office. Twinsy and I worked together in the same team until the beginning of this year. Twinsy however moved on to bigger and better things whereas ME? hmmmh not so…I’m still suffering…like being caught in an epidemic. My sisters like to think I work for the C.I.A…well…honestly because my job is SO mundane, they just don’t want to believe someone of my intelligence and potential level can find this interesting. I really think they refuse to believe that I allow myself to be humiliated 10 hours a day. It’s like everyday I walk into an episode of the Twilight Zone where ME the actress wants to escape the building but she just effin can’t!!! We have some crazy characters here…crazy as in ODD…some of them should be labeled official Jack Asses…others should walk around with a sign “use with caution”…there’s this lady – for the record I’ll call her Ms. D - she strolls I mean dances around the office ALL the time…every time she walks by I calm myself down and slowly repeat to myself “objects in the office may appear dumber than they are”…you know to aid my nerves…alleviate the pain…I promise this will all end one day…no wonder I’ve started munching on honey roasted almonds at work…I must be going nuts…literally...no kidding…one day as I’m taking a breather in the restroom from the morass of emotions I sulk in every day, I hear the door open and this woman jives into the restroom, dancing, humming, snapping, it was Ms. D again…I mean someone enter her into the show “So You Think You Can Dance” so she can get off MINE!!! So when Nad used to work here, my other work pal, she and I would be on I.M. umpteen times a day gossipin about everyone in the office…tells you what productive employees we were!!! Our FAVvorite victim – Ms. Elephant – an all-American, rich, Southern, spoiled, uber conservative woman practically a walking national anthem for the Republican party, hence earning her title Ms. Elephant. Ms. Elephant, aside from being a victim of Tourette Syndrome where she suffers from random outbursts of socially inappropriate and derogatory remarks towards Liberals, loves to do all kinds of personal shyt at work. Interesting! No really…I know exactly when her OBGYN appointments fall, what needs cleaning, where she’s vacationing for Xmas, and oh, how many times her dogs shit around the house…if that wasn’t enough, I walk into the office today to become a victim of this torture:

Ms. Elephant: Hi honey (to her husband, mind you a grown-up 30-something dude with tattoos all over)
Honey: { }
Ms. Elephant: how are you feeling?
Honey: { }
Ms. Elephant: I mean how are your bowel movements coming along?
Honey: { oh God please I hope she’s calling me from her car }
Ms. Elephant: is it…chunky or is it liquid-y?
Honey: { why the f**k did I marry this woman }
Ms. Elephant: Ohh…they’re still liquid-y? Well are you taking that medication for it? Oh you are? Okay…any better?
Honey: { stoooooooooooooop }
Ms. Elephant: okay…well…I love you! Hope you feel better…but keep me posted okay…just watch what you eat…
Honey: { liar }
Ms. Elephant: I love you too!

I’m not kidding…this is what I walk into today…at The Office…my very own Dwight Schrute!!!

signed: Thinker-Bell

WORD OF THE DAY!

ALBEIT: (pronounced awl-bee-it) conceding the fact that; even though; although

signed: Thinker-Bell

ThOsE cRaZy EiGhTs...

Found something interesting to share with my readers! Last week I received this random email from a networking event which spoke of a concept I wasn’t familiar with at all up till now: the significance behind 8/8/8 or August 8th, 2008. Well to begin with, this will probably be the only 8/8/8 we will experience in this lifetime and can you believe it’s just around the corner!!! In Chinese Numerology, 8 is considered the luckiest of all numbers as it signifies prosperity, wealth, good luck and happiness. So much that in the Chinese culture, 8/8/8 is one of the most popular dates for couples to hold wedding or engagement receptions. Couples who tie knots on this day are believed to attract an abundance of good fortune and happiness in their married lives. Isn’t this fun??? So…being the pathetically romantic individual that I am, I decided to do some research on this subject, in the process, uncovered some interesting facts I thought I’d share with y’all:

**The digits 888 are considered to be a very special combination of the number 8 in the Chinese Culture consequently making August 8th, 2008 or 8/8/8 one of the one most popular and sought after wedding dates of the year

**The number 8 turned sideways represents the symbol for infinity…in marriage, this can symbolize eternal love and blessings and a strong beginning to an eternal belonging

**Two rings when intertwined make an 8

**This Chinese concept has gained so much popularity in non-Chinese cultures around the world that wedding capitals such as Las Vegas have already announced special deals on accommodations for couples to wed on 8/8/8, and while some vendors graciously offer discounted prices to their brides and grooms, others conveniently up their prices to at least twice as much

**Any combination of digits consisting of the number 8 is considered lucky & the more, the merrier. So how about we set the wedding date and time for August 8th, 2008 at 8:08pm…88888!!!??? Let’s order an 8-layer cake and serve an 8 course meal with 8 dessert choices to 8 guests per table…888888888!!! Make sure you include 8 items in your wedding favors…8888888888…and while you’re at it, order 8 different types of flowers for your table centerpieces…88888888888!!! Ah YES, don’t forget to say “I Love You” to your special someone that day – a phrase that just happens to contain exactly 8 letters!!!

**2008 Olympic games with be held in Beijing China with the opening ceremony on August 8th, 2008 – 8/8/8

So let’s see what 8/8/8 brings in our lives…I’ll be looking forward to hearing from all of you!!! Meanwhile hope you enjoyed my craziness!!!

signed: Thinker-Bell

WORD OF THE DAY!

OPINE: (pronounced o-pine) to state as an opinion

signed: Thinker-Bell

LiFe...SuMTiMeS...jUsT iSn'T fAir!!!

Last week Monday night, I was sitting and day dreaming in my room when my sister Sarah yelled at me to come out and watch the news on CNN. I’m sure most of you have probably heard of the case by now about the Indian man who’s accused of killing his black daughter-in-law. Happened eight years ago - he supposedly hired a hit man to have his daughter-in-law killed, the poor woman was stabbed multiple times, the husband was not on the scene (hmmm why isn’t that being looked into?) Anyhow the news was devastating of course but what really caught my attention was the special report CNN decided to air following this headline highlighting the topic of “skin color” discrimination in India. The Reporter was commenting on how the outrage on the Indian man’s part was not just a result of a type of racism felt in the Western world – your blacks vs whites issue – but was more so a by-product of a society’s long & deeply-rooted insecurities and complexities towards darker-skinned individuals, people especially women who just aren’t fair enough. The Reporter went on saying that a mentality such as this gave preferential treatment to fair-skinned women, a general consensus he felt while interviewing some of his Indian comrades. Existence of certain cream products (helloooo remember Fair N Lovely!!!) in the Indian society advertised to make your skin complexion lighter hence fairer exemplifies such ignorance. That part made me Laugh Out Loud…felt good for a change…to have a media conglomerate as substantial as CNN confirm what I opine on!!!

So today at the office I sit and stare at this darn computer screen, BORED as hell, puh-lease someone save me from this BOREDOM…I'm dyyyyyyyyyyyye'in....I decide to Google the news to see whatever happened of that Indian man’s trial. In my search I come upon another news as seen below:

NEW DELHI: For a society often seen to reflect a deeply ingrained bias for "fair skin", a Supreme Court ruling sentencing a man to two years in jail for driving his wife to suicide following taunts over her "dark" complexion will serve as both a warning and a mirror to its uglier traits. The apex court was firm that ridiculing a wife by calling her "black" amounted to severe mental torture. While the court and legislature have acted against caste-based and, lately against gender-based prejudices, the colour handicap had not engaged its attention so far. In the facts of the case, Syed Fathima, within two months of her marriage to Farook Batcha in August 1999, got so distressed with the constant quarrels in her matrimonial home because of her dark complexion that she finally decided to end her life by pouring kerosene and setting herself on fire. In her dying declaration, she said that since her complexion was dark, her husband did not like her and there were frequent quarrels. A day after giving the statement, she died in hospital.

Sad, isn’t it? More serious of an issue than I thought it to be!!! No kidding!!! I’m sitting here hatin on all desi aunties for making those ignorant gorree remarks meanwhile in some other part of the world, a desi uncle is doing much worse - killing the non-gorree wife! It made me realize, just when you think you have it bad, there’s worse around the corner, with someone else. And that shouldn’t make you feel any better about yourself, should make you feel more thankful of what you have. See…some dark-skin woman who gets tortured by her in-laws or her society for not being fair enough & good enough looks at me on the street and wonders, “Man, this b*tch has it easy!” Oh what little she knows…that there’s always worse around the corner, with someone else. How ironic...life sometimes just isn’t fair!!!

signed: Thinker-Bell

OnE sMaLL sTeP 4 mAn...a GiAnT LeAp 4 mAnKiNd!

My parents are very nice people. I mean really nice in the sense that they let people walk over them sometimes! Growing up I told myself that I want to be like my parents except for the really really nice part. I would try to be fair and stand up for myself when I needed to.
Being on my own has allowed me to grow into myself and test the waters to see how different I really am in handling situations. But of course the apple does not fall far from the tree. So over the past year I have been getting myself into situations that have made me question my abilities. I realized that I just stay quiet and take it in for the most part. I don’t know if it is the avoidance factor or whether I feel like it is not worth getting into. Basically whatever the reason is I am a wimp!
So here is the story…
I am working in the clinic these days and everyone who works there has an attitude problem especially one particular nursing assistant…hmm for the sake of confusion we will call her “B”. I believe in being professional with everyone. I don’t care what your job title is I am going to treat you in the same nice manner. So I am working with my attending who is flipping through a patient’s chart and cannot seem to find a particular lab result. She asks me to go to the front desk and ask “B” to print out the lab result. When I ask B for a print out, she tells me without taking her eyes off the computer screen that it should be in the chart. When I tell her that it is not there and that we have looked through it a couple of times, she says in a harsh, demanding tone as if she does not believe me “give me the chart!” So I turn around and go get the chart for her (cuz of course my attending and I are incompetent at looking through papers for a lab result) Anyway she flips through the chart and is in shock that it is actually not there…so she prints it out for me…I go back with the paper and the attending asks me for another set of results...so I go back and apologize saying that the Dr. forgot to ask for the other set of results the first time and would like a copy of those also…she looks at me and says “I’m going to smack you!” I was in shock for a second…I couldn’t believe that this woman just said that out loud in front of everyone…there were other staff members there as well as an entire waiting room filled with patients just staring back at me…I just asked her to print it out and walked away….
I couldn’t believe myself!!! I said nothing!!! Whats wrong with me?? I had actually gotten into worse situations prior to this one and had said nothing….but I couldn’t let this go! this was it!!! I had to stand up for myself!!
So I decided that I was just going to ignore her and not acknowledge her presence (I know!! Wow I am really standing up for myself!!)
My last day there finally arrives and nothing had happened since where I could defend myself against the wicked witch of the east…
Then right at the knick of time an opportunity presents itself…after seeing the last patient I walk up to my attending to say my goodbyes…and while I am talking to her…“B” comes rushing into the office saying I need to talk to u (my attending) about a patient…I turn around and say very firmly “I was here first, you can wait your turn!” She gives me this OMG look and sits down on the chair…then the rest of the med students come in and we get into a conversation about how the rotation was and all that good stuff…”B” gets up from her chair and interrupts again saying “this will only take a second” before she could say another word…I look at her and say “I don’t think you heard me, we are still talking” My attending tells her just give me a couple of min they are about to leave…

VICTORY!! I know its small but baby steps rite???

signed: Macky