1st dAy

It was my baby’s first day of school yesterday!!! He’s 4, in Pre-K, and growing up way too fast. His mommy (my sister) told me there was crying, lots & lots of it…and tears…many of them…and he just wouldn’t let go. Awwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww “he would not let go?!?” Oh how grateful I was not to be there! I would’ve put him right back in the car, driven home, and Google’d “home schooling” options!!! To just imagine my baby holding on to my sister’s leg…my hARt is aching!!! I always thought hospitals and airports are two of the saddest spots on Earth…unfortunately now Pre-K tops the list!

So I call my sister later and she’s laughing about the whole ordeal. She tells me the scene outside the school was too funny…every kid was clinging on to their parent as if their life was at stake. None of them would let go! This made me later ask my mom how I was on my first day of school. She said you let go of my hand so willingly and walked straight into the class without looking back – she reiterated what a disciplined child I was! And I’m thinking: how eccentric is that!?! Did I not suffer from any sort of separation anxiety like every other “normal” child? I can’t help but recall…and I’m not sure if it’s a figment of my imagination or a fraction of my real memory…a lucid memory: I am 3 years old, standing outside my school, dreading to go inside, desperately hoping my mom wouldn’t let go of me! Yet my mom insists I gave her absolutely no hard time. So I say if the memory is indeed real than I sure as hell did a fabulous job of pretending! And my mom should thank me… :)

See, these are all the reasons why I think twice about being a mommy every day. Just when you get used to this little living, breathing, undeniably adorable creature grabbing on to your lap, they start to crawl…right when you catch up, they begin to run from you…just when you get used to chasing after them, they begin to make a mess…just when you get used to cleaning up after them, they want to clean up their own mess…before you know it, they insist on tying their own shoes…and when you finally realize your little baby is growing up, they go off to school!!!

If anything, the experience of being an aunt has made me come closer to my parents. Now I feel why it was so hard for my folks to have to let go…and why they kept insisting on remaining overly & aggressively protective…and why they always just knew what was right for me even when I didn’t. I remember my mom would preach to me every time I rebelled: wait till you’re a parent one day and you shall see…funny if I earned a penny for each time I heard that. It is soooo hard to let go…and man, my baby is only 4 now…imagine how clingy I will be when he’s off to high school. I’ll be JUST LIKE MY MOM…only 10 times more horrible…

signed: Thinker-Bell