ThE OfFiCe

SO…for those of you who have spent countless hours with me I.M’ing about our FAVvorite TV shows (LOST, Prison Break, Lipstick Jungle, Supernatural, AI), you know I LURVE The Office!!!! I mean I absolutely LOVE it!!! OMG Michael is my favorite, this man makes me cry, I dig Steve Carell, I have been a devoted fan since the days of Bruce Almighty. I mean if you suffer (like me) from a disease called Corporate America, you just gotta love the show…So anyways Twinsy and I were I.M’ing yesterday about how we were so close to becoming famous bloggers only if we had been creative enough to produce a “reality” blog featuring OUR own company, OUR office. Twinsy and I worked together in the same team until the beginning of this year. Twinsy however moved on to bigger and better things whereas ME? hmmmh not so…I’m still suffering…like being caught in an epidemic. My sisters like to think I work for the C.I.A…well…honestly because my job is SO mundane, they just don’t want to believe someone of my intelligence and potential level can find this interesting. I really think they refuse to believe that I allow myself to be humiliated 10 hours a day. It’s like everyday I walk into an episode of the Twilight Zone where ME the actress wants to escape the building but she just effin can’t!!! We have some crazy characters here…crazy as in ODD…some of them should be labeled official Jack Asses…others should walk around with a sign “use with caution”…there’s this lady – for the record I’ll call her Ms. D - she strolls I mean dances around the office ALL the time…every time she walks by I calm myself down and slowly repeat to myself “objects in the office may appear dumber than they are”…you know to aid my nerves…alleviate the pain…I promise this will all end one day…no wonder I’ve started munching on honey roasted almonds at work…I must be going nuts…literally...no kidding…one day as I’m taking a breather in the restroom from the morass of emotions I sulk in every day, I hear the door open and this woman jives into the restroom, dancing, humming, snapping, it was Ms. D again…I mean someone enter her into the show “So You Think You Can Dance” so she can get off MINE!!! So when Nad used to work here, my other work pal, she and I would be on I.M. umpteen times a day gossipin about everyone in the office…tells you what productive employees we were!!! Our FAVvorite victim – Ms. Elephant – an all-American, rich, Southern, spoiled, uber conservative woman practically a walking national anthem for the Republican party, hence earning her title Ms. Elephant. Ms. Elephant, aside from being a victim of Tourette Syndrome where she suffers from random outbursts of socially inappropriate and derogatory remarks towards Liberals, loves to do all kinds of personal shyt at work. Interesting! No really…I know exactly when her OBGYN appointments fall, what needs cleaning, where she’s vacationing for Xmas, and oh, how many times her dogs shit around the house…if that wasn’t enough, I walk into the office today to become a victim of this torture:

Ms. Elephant: Hi honey (to her husband, mind you a grown-up 30-something dude with tattoos all over)
Honey: { }
Ms. Elephant: how are you feeling?
Honey: { }
Ms. Elephant: I mean how are your bowel movements coming along?
Honey: { oh God please I hope she’s calling me from her car }
Ms. Elephant: is it…chunky or is it liquid-y?
Honey: { why the f**k did I marry this woman }
Ms. Elephant: Ohh…they’re still liquid-y? Well are you taking that medication for it? Oh you are? Okay…any better?
Honey: { stoooooooooooooop }
Ms. Elephant: okay…well…I love you! Hope you feel better…but keep me posted okay…just watch what you eat…
Honey: { liar }
Ms. Elephant: I love you too!

I’m not kidding…this is what I walk into today…at The Office…my very own Dwight Schrute!!!

signed: Thinker-Bell