DeLiVeRaNcE

SO HERE WE BEGIN!! A long-awaited, deeply anticipated, much needed & thoroughly discussed journey coming to an end started by two buddies over sushi at Japanero’s just about a year ago, two girls who have known each other since the forbidden days of uni-brows and non-threaded moustaches!!! (Amen to that sista) Two women, my friend and I, who share similar lives, synonymous struggles, laughters and…to be honest…happen to be no different than anyone of you…really!!! We finally put into words a masterpiece waiting to happen…our very own blog!!! So we can translate our thoughts to you, our view-on-life to you, think of us as The View online minus the celebrities, the Republicans, and the outrage. We don’t do it for ratings...we do it because we like to just THINK OUT LOUD!!! As for me, you may call it an inspiration unveiling itself…or a path destining to happen…or a hampered talent revealing itself gradually…or that I’m just plain ole bored with a lot of time on my hands and just about tired of my monotonous life…AT times though, not always!! (I’d like to point out that I AM a happy, positive person by nature indeed…almost…most of the time) As you can see I love the “…” (dot dot dot)…not the recommended grammatical approach for a writer but oh well, screw English for now. Going back to what I said earlier, I’m HERE because I want to THINK OUT LOUD!!! (and by now you must have noticed I love the “!!!”-exclamation, exclamation, exclamation) YES people! I’ve realized it’s the best self-therapy there is out there and it’s absolutely FREE. As we grow older or so it appears I have outrageously done so in the last couple of years, I’ve come to realize I have the tendency to just get annoyed…like easily…I mean no tolerance, patience watsoeva…or what we like to say in Urdu, no sabar. My argument is most people are either crazy or if not, they’re dead. Normalcy is a scarce commodity to find these days…well isn’t it? Is it just me making this crap up or do I hear an applause???? I canNOT seem to find normal people these days. Hence I get annoyed because somebody somewhere at any given moment does & will manage to piss me off…so I figured if I just speak my thoughts out loud, I FACE it! YES the ultimate resolution…FACE YOUR FEARS...I seem to think it works. That combined with my infinite, outrageously, dreamy mind (baby! that which can manifest everything and anything unimaginable) and my somewhat mildly-humored nature can put these fingers in action and create some great words ever written on the face of I.M. (or as my friend Nad likes to call it “you’re on a roll here”). So yea I LURVE thinking out loud…things people only imagine or question inside their heads but afraid to speak up because they fear of being heard, or looked down upon, or castigated for, or picked on for being too prudish. I DON’T CARE! I’m going to question it…like why things happen the way they happen? WHY? WHY do people ask you how are you doing but don’t care to pause to listen to what I have to say? Damn it! You asked me how the f**k I’m doing…I need to tell somebody …someone…and then YOU came along…and now you won’t even stop??? You could’ve just treaded along for all I care…but you didn’t…so now you MUST hear me! Or…WHY is it sooooo hard to find a normal man these days? NO seriously my single gal pals…jokes aside…we all say that and it’s become sort of an outdated cliché but that shouldn’t imply the question is no longer authentic…the question remains un-answered…why? WHY as a Pakistani-American woman, I’m not wanted by my Pakistani-American men? Excuse me, did I just grow thorns on my head or a tail on my ass when I moved here which makes you want to run away from me as far as possible? WHY would you rather go back home and marry a fragile, obsequious woman who can barely carry on a conversation yet DATE ME??? WHY do people feed on your weaknesses and not your strengths? It’s like the moment they find out OHhh wait, she is a little “PROtective” about her friends, GREeeeAT, how shall we befriend her friends away from her…let’s toy with her for a while shall we…hmmmh…niiice…if I can manage to work around your weaknesses and care to not piss you off, why is it that you DO the first chance you get? WHY do they still allow senior citizens to drive? I’m not trying to be mean…I know you don’t have someone to take you around and we need to treat you as an equal citizen of this nation as bound by our constitution but why not hire a cab? Speaking of which, who do I have to call here to start a senior-citizen cab service? WHY does something embarrassing always happens to you when you’re dead staring at a good-looking guy and you sooooo want to impress him…like a booger flying east to west, north to south, in one of your nostrils and you KNOW there ain’t nothing you can do about it because if you touch it, you’re not just a loser, you’re a EWWWWWW!!! WHY do people make slow right turns…I’m sorry aren’t those the turns NOT monitored by a traffic light??!! WHY is it that desi women (desi meaning people born in or belong to any of the nations mentioned: India, Pakistan &/or Bangladesh) while searching for their precious bahu (meaning a suitable spouse for their sons) always want a tall, gorree (meaning fair n lovely) girl…I mean really…dark girls don’t breathe or breed these days or what?? And WHY is this atrocity such a norm now that we find ourselves justifying it…like (a desi aunty talking) “well you see my son is a doctor and he’s from a good family so he wants a tall, fair and good-looking girl”…hmmmh…or better yet…(another desi aunty talking away) “well you see my son’s fair too so he wants someone just as fair as him”…now…where in the f**kin book of life does it say if you’re born fair, you marry fair??? Huh??? People…jungle fever ain’t that bad especially when it happens within your own darn culture…embrace it! Aiight moving on…WHY do you answer the phone when you don’t know how to speak English? Who were you expecting when I called? Someone who doesn’t know how to speak English just like you? What are the odds of that…happening…in a land where English IS the widely-spoken language??!!! Do you realize you only waste my valuable time when you do that…because then I begin to search for creative ways to communicate with you because what I’m thinking here as the logical person that I am, IF you picked up the phone, then you MUST know some English, rite? {Scoffs scoffs} yea rite! I’m holding the receiver pondering…I say… “ma’am ISsss Jose at Hoooome?”…you say “uggh Que?”…hmmh I say to myself, that didn’t work so lemme try this again, I say “mama-sita, Heee Jose Aqui??”...you wait and reply “Que?”…I whisper “what the f***k”…there was only ONE English word there…HE??? How difficult is that…if you can’t understand HE than why did you pick up the phone?? WHY?? See? You just wasted my time…okay before I move on, I’d like to note that I sincerely do NOT mean NO OFFENSE to my Spanish homies!! I love you guys…you by far are one of the most peaceful and innocent creatures I know of in this country…so please no offense to my Spanish people, I was only making a reference here…as I will make many many more to many many others…to come…you know anything can happen on the other end…someone could be speaking Vietnamese or Hindi for all I know…I love you regardless!!! But I do need to warn you that when it comes to doggin people, I dog mine the BEST!! Okay well…SO here’s the inspiration to OUR blog…

So peeps I hand the keys on the keyboard over to my friend who will and I must emphasize WILL entertain you with her thoughts…bring it on sista!!!

signed: Thinker-Bell