SeLf--PiTy MoMeNt

Lately, I have been experiencing what I call self-pity moments, you know, jolts of spontaneous attacks where I just want to push myself into a corner, dive into an oh-I-don’t-know-what-the-hell-is-happening-in-my-life-and-WHY mode, and completely shut off any incoming data reminding me of ALL the blessings I have that I should be thankful for. In short, I want to deprive myself of any optimism coming my way. You know the kind of talk your friend gives you like “hey, everything will be okay” or “dude, the grass is always greener on the other side” or “have fun…you need to go out more”…pretty much the talk I give to my friends when they reach out to me. Isn’t it easier to preach than to practice? And I know everyone handles stress differently. While most people eagerly dive into a venting session or secretly succumbed to that Haagen Dazs container in the refrigerator, I willingly crawl into a shell…a typical Cancerian habit…and that shell is my mind…where I circle around the same thoughts over and over and over again…by no means to analyze or ponder but really in a funny-kind-of-sad way to feel even more sorrIER for myself…I think...really if there was a scale that measured wretchedness, that moment would top it for me. So occasionally my friends will say “why didn’t you call me?”…and I guess…I don’t know…I mean…I deal with my misery in a non-conventional way. I want to be left alone…why? Because I think I know well…because I think I know everything…because I think I’m an extremely intuitive Cancerian…and I just feel nothing anyone can possibly divulge can make me feel better…I am the ONLY one who can deal with my own demons. And this is where damage control borderlines damage!!! Going back to practicing what you preach – so much for my preaching rite – if I don’t allow anyone to preach to me, what gives me the right to preach to anyone else? I joke about this with my friends all the time that even if I manage to follow 40% of what I preach to others, my life would soooo make sense. But I’ve realized it’s not about making sense…you’re never expected to make sense out of your present life…if you could, you would know exactly what to expect the next moment…but you don’t. It’s the past we comprehend, the present we confuse, and the future we desire. And soon this “confusing” present moment will become a comprehendible one of the past…making way for a newer “confusing” present moment. So I’ve concluded what preaching really does is fuel hope…when I preach to my friends I’m only giving them hope…and honestly, what more can anyone ask for. All we do is fish for hope…all we can do…and by not letting my friends and family in at a time of need, I deprive myself of that hope. So I have decided that my 2009…one of my 2009 new year resolutions is “to polish up my bitching skills”…I’m going to learn how to vent to my friends and allow them into my life…so in exchange, I receive hope! Who knew good tactical bitching can actually create hope!!!

…I’m not making sense…so I must leave…I guess just one of them days…

signed: Thinker-Bell

LiFe CaN't Be pLaNNeD

In the back of my mind, I always hoped that I would be walking down the hallway of the hospital and turn the corner to see the man of my dreams standing there in his white coat doing something doctorish…Well then life happened and what you hope for doesn’t quite turn out your way…and honestly the hospitals I have been doing my rotations at…I don’t think I would ever notice them if I didn’t have to work next to them everyday…So I had to rethink my approach to my personal life...I had to put myself out there…so I met this guy who lives here in New York…he seemed like a nice guy, attractive, tall, friendly, worked in the city as an accountant…So we talked on the phone a few times before we went on an actual first date…there were some things about him that I couldn’t quite figure out but I kept telling myself “I am giving people a chance” and so I did…I let the little things slide that could potentially become huge red flags but I was taking my new approach and there was no room for “his shoes really didn’t go with that outfit...wait I didn’t know that it was still 1995” excuses…

So we go on our first date and it starts off normal…it’s not like we are complete strangers…there are soo many things to talk about…but this could not have been more awkward…I kept trying to make conversation but he just kept looking straight thru me and then once in a while make a random comment like “your eyes..your eyes” (what about my eyes???)…The night progressed very slowly and at my attempt to be nice I maintained my smile and cheerful attitude…it didn’t last too long...I just could not take it anymore so I decided to call it a night…

I have to say the gentlemen part was yet to come because he offered to sit in the subway with me to drop me home on his way home to his parents house (honestly I just wanted to take a cab…but in his head that would mean he would have to pay for it…and apparently that was not included in his budget) I insisted that it was no problem…I go home at this hour all the time…it wasn’t even close to midnight yet…yet he was persistent about dropping me off so we get on the subway…I don’t know what it is but I guess there is something about me and subways…people just feel comfortable about saying whatever they like to me…so we sit and he begins his life story…yes his tragic, full of obstacles and challenges story…I mean ok maybe if we were married for 50 years and he was on his death bed and he really just wanted to get all this off his chest…I could understand him sharing…but I have only known you for five minutes…So the red flag is beyond obvious now…its soo obvious it was lit on fire! In my head…I immediately went into exit strategy mode…how am I to escape this horrible situation as quickly and painlessly as possible…so we get off at my subway stop and thank God my apartment is 5 blocks down so I tell him…thank you soo much for bringing me this far…that he didn’t have to but now I can go on my own...my apartment is a walk and I don’t want him to have to walk all the way there since he is already at the subway station…and then I basically bolted out of the station!

Then ofcourse the next day I get a phone call…and if it was Mr. right...I would have been ecstatic that he called me the next day...but seriously it doesn’t take a genius to know that it was the worst date ever…I just looked at my phone and pressed ignore…he called a couple of times throughout the week and I know maybe I should have picked up once and just told him I am sorry I am just really busy but I couldn’t even do that…the mere thought of having a conversation with him made me want to curl up in a hole and never come out…

Then I get the text message of all messages...he tells me how he thought I was a nice girl but that I am not…in fact I am ungrateful to the fact that he accompanied me on the subway and that he knows now why I am single…that regardless of this he will still pray for me because I am his sister in Islam...and the final thing (my favorite) good luck finding your sorry husband!!!!

All I could think was “PSYCHO”

What an experience….but hey it’s my life…it’s not too hard to believe it happened to me…(sad, I know :))

Then the other day I was in a clothing store with my friend when I see a long finger pointing at me saying “YOU” I look up to see him…and he continues “I am not talking to you anymore” and then disappears…hmm in the middle of Manhattan with millions of people all around…of course I would bump into him!

I couldn’t help but laugh…

signed: Macky

nOt A TyPiCaL dAy...

So who says a typical day in Houston cannot be as thrilling as a day in New York City. When you leave your house in the morning in New York City, you’re bound to run into some Italian Restaurateur yelling at his bus boy, or some homeless person poppin out from the corner scaring the bejesus out of you, or some American Idol wannabe serenading you on his guitar throughout the subway ride to work. In Houston, you can experience the same excitement at a Burger King drive-thru during your lunch break. So I’m one of those not-so-skinny girls who doesn’t shy away from a good, juicy Whopper with cheese every once in a while. So earlier this week as a token of our nation’s newest celebration, I decided to treat my hungry-self to a Burger King Whopper meal. So I’m in the drive-thru lane about to place the order for my meal simultaneously on the phone with my sister when amidst my conversation I thought I heard the girl over the speaker say “your total is $6.27, please drive up to the first window”. So I, an avid Whopper eater, ignore the words entirely, of course, I heard that wrong! So I drive over to the first window, still on the phone, the dude with the thickest accent pokes his head out, and says something which resembles the words “your total is $6.27, ma’am”…now I know I wasn’t in the drive-thru Saltgrass lane so I’m of course staring at this man, smiling, dorki-ly, waiting desperately for him to say “Aha you’re on candid camera”…but that never happens…he keeps looking at me with the I-don’t-have-all-day-for-you-bitch-get-out-of-the-way-ma’am stare. So I say give the most logical response “are you kidding me?!? You’re telling me the Whopper meal is $6.27 sir?!? I mean is the recession hitting you guys that hard???!” I’m sorry, on any other given day, I’m a pretty sane, patient, reasonable, and humble person, rather approachable, but I don’t remember the last time I paid this much for a Whopper meal. I remember paying nothing over $5.00 back in the day…is “back in the day” really that back??? So helpless to the domino effect of the recession, the victim – ME - quietly drives up to the second window to claim her diamonds…I mean her Whopper meal…the girl at the window hands me my brown bag, I peek inside to take a look at my sushi-priced Whopper meal, I think I see a sandwich, or is it half of a sandwich, no wait…I think she gave me the kids meal instead…so I look at her and go, “ma’am is this the kids meal?”…she repeats my order like whatever, it's right...then my gaze shifts to the – please let me swallow hard here – FIFTEEN PIECES OF KIDS-SIZED FRIES in my fry holder!!! I couldn’t handle the disaster anymore…I just had to say something smart-ass-y “ma’am there are like FIFTEEN fries in my meal”…I get ignored…of course…annoyed and perplexed by the blatant rip-off, I just wanted to drive away and indulge my mouth to some hot, soft fries…which btw disappeared in like FIFTEEN SECONDS… so lemme ask y'all “does a damn Burger King meal really cost this much these days???” I’m no frugal, $6.27 is not the end of the world but still…have prices risen by such a ghastly proportion??!! I was enthralled for hours!!!

Then this morning, while I was entrenched in my Crude Oil Rigs research, this gentleman walks up to me and introduces himself. It’s pretty typical for people at my workplace to walk over to me to introduce themselves. I’ve only been there for a little over 6 weeks and we have 300 employees just in this office alone, then occasionally we get people from our HQ which is home to another 200-something people. Every day, first thing in the morning, I get hello and hi emails from several of our executives around the world so it’s always a wise idea to keep abreast of who’s who in the company. Anyhow, back to the story, so yeah this pleasant gentleman walks up to me, introduces himself and the name sounding remarkably familiar quickly gives me a common ground and a level of ease to start a conversation with him. He asks me who I’m working for and I tell him who and then what I do for him. Then I ask him “So Jeff, your name sounds familiar, what do you do?”…he goes “oh I’m the President of the Company!” [pause]…HUH? OMG I was sooooooooooooooooooo embarrassed…I’m thinking well hell yeah his name sounded familiar…I’ve only seen it like a 100x in our press releases!!! At that moment, I so badly wanted to pause time like Hiko Nakamura and run and hide under the table…but to my surprise, Jeff was a lot more sympathetic and hospitable than I took him to be…he totally covered up my embarrassment and cracked a joke at his expense…how nice of him… just another reason why I lurve working for my new company…every day holds a pleasant surprise…

So between my BK Rendezvous and an Official Jackass Moment, I think I’m ready for that light at the end of my tunnel…and that light just happens to be none other than Madonna’s concert a week from today…YES my MADGE is finally coming to Texas…and I CANNOT FOR THE LOVE OF GOD WAIT TO SEE HER IN CONCERT…

Peace

signed: Thinker-Bell

MUbarack To YoU ToO

I’m back BiiiiAAATCHES!!! This was America’s message this week when she made history – a history we will talk about, boast to, and admire for years to come – a milestone we are so blessed to witness – fruit of the selfless struggle of a man – man, an epitome of all colors, bloods, tongues, and races – representing the diversity, the cornerstone of our society – society which has nurtured times when a 14-year old black kid was killed for talking to a white woman – when a true blood was restrained to the boundaries of his reservation – when an 18-year old mule swallowed pallets of cocaine to seek a better life for her unborn – when a man is killed in the waking hours of the day for wearing a turban on his head – when a woman is stared down in the elevator for covering her head – times, rooted and reminded – of the fear in the last 8 years – fear of not crimes our hands had committed - but fear of what would befall upon us if our crimes were not to be committed – crimes justified in the name of religion and patriotism – all fakeness disguised as “change” – but real “change” has finally arrived – proving to many that we shall no longer seek fear to survive – fear is not power, it is control – and control is not America – WE are America – an “America” who gave birth to civil rights and liberties – an “America” who stood behind her woman and man of all colors at the voting booth – an “America” who held the podium for inspirations like Martin Luther King, Malcolm X, JFK, and John Lennon – an “America” who lends the microphone to Bill Mahr and Bill O’Reilly – an “America” where all bullsh*t is spoken – and heard – and neither is denied of its right or privilege - an “America” where we can choose to be whoever we want, whenever we want, and however we want – an “America” who does not discriminate amongst God(s) – an “America” where change is not only born but lived and appreciated – this week we brought that change back – thank Allah for that – in the words of America’s next 44th President Barack Hussain Obama, “we are the United States of America” – land of freedom – freedom of thought – so we cannot be manipulated anymore by manifested speculation also known as bullsh*t – like Joe the f**kin Plumber – c’mon, do not insult us by setting him as the American Paragon – is it because he’s the only one who’s capable of falling for your crap? America was the country of Joe the Plumber – America is now home to Joe the Intelligent Working Man who is well-rounded, conscientious, intuitive, educated, humble, tolerant, outspoken, progressive, and independent – and guess what? – that man did NOT vote for YOU!!! He voted for the ONE who will appreciate what he has to offer – and will reward him for what he can contribute – but - on the contrary, what if this Joe the Intelligent Working Man happens to be an Arab-American – I mean seriously what would your pious, I-speak-to-God-every-day, family-oriented self do? You do not even think Arabs are decent, hard-working human beings last time I tuned in – how would you converse and level with Joe the Arab – riiiiiite – you defy the very fundamentals on which this astounding nation was established – you insult the very principles our forefathers sacrificed their livelihood for – schools of thought reflected in the man elected (and I repeat that: elected) Barack Hussain Obama – blood of an immigrant, son of a white woman, skin of a black man, and name of a Muslim father – this is America Mrs. Todd Palin – not your well-bred soccer moms – so while the world looks forward to celebrating the rebirth of a nation waking up from 8 years of the Dark Ages, I highly recommend you trot back home, read up on world geography, expand your vocabulary, connect with your true Christian self (for once), stop bribing the officials, stop preaching and start practicing family values, spend some quality time with your pregnant teen, and when days of your short-lived 15 minutes of fame are catching up to you, pamper yourself to a haircut and for god’s sake get rid of those annoying bangs - and please don’t get in the way for we are about to march the streets of Washington in 74 days or less – to yell to the world out loud - Y’ALL, WE ARE BACK…AMERICA IS BACK…Beeeyoootch!!!

signed: Thinker-Bell

gOnE...iN a SpLiT sEcOnD

So today is one of those days when you really realize how unpredictable life is! And how helpless and exposed you are to that little known fact! Yesterday around 2:30 pm, my sister, my cousin, my mom and I were lounging around in our living room replaying the day’s events when suddenly we heard 6 gunshots right outside our front door. We sat glued to our sofa stunned for a good few seconds not wanting to believe those could possibly be gunshots when my dad comes running out of his room and all we heard him say was “(to my cousin) someone fired at your car!” Without any hesitation we ran outside only to find not-a-single soul on the street…no bullets…no damage to the car...no witnesses…no nothing. Apparently as soon as the so-called gunshots went off, my dad woke up and managed to sneak a peak at a van, dark green, caravan-looking van with people struggling inside…fighting maybe (?)…and then the van reversed in a hurry almost running into a car coming from the other side of the road and then sped away. So while we're outside searching for any clues, my sister kept glancing over at our neighbor’s house right across from us. Well a little introduction of our neighbors...we have this Hispanic family that lives right across from us. And every day after work there’s always someone or the other from the family sitting outside their garage chilling, listening to some serious authentic Mexican tunes, drinking, or grilling…it’s always either the “senior” dad (the grand dad) or his 30-something year old muscled up son watching his kids run across the front lawn. Although at times their music got uncomfortably loud, we ignored the inconvenience because frankly they’re so kind, friendly, and entirely innocuous. For us the 30-something son happens to be more of a watchdog of the neighborhood. Just the other day we had this insane, idiot teen drive on our street at 80 freakin mph…I kid you not, the 30-something son jumped out of his chair, chased the car on foot, made the driver stop the car, and yelled at him and threatened him to slow down..."there are kids in this neighborhood, you a$$h*le" he yelled. Now if that was me in the car I would have certainly wet my pants…but at that moment I felt so safe and relieved to have this man in our neighborhood. So anyways, back to yesterday, we were outside trying to figure out what really happened when my sister said to me “that’s really weird, there’s no one sitting outside our neighbor’s house, usually there’s someone or the other always there, and I even see a chair but no person” She insisted we walk over to our neighbor’s house to check and see if they heard or saw anything unusual...I mean someone had to validate those gunshots for us…after all we didn’t manifest the gunshots…and my dad did witness a struggle right before…but I conveniently ignored my sister's attempt…my argument - let’s not bother these people, I’m sure they didn’t hear anything. It was then my sister spotted this incompetent cop driving on our street. She ran over to the car to stop him only to hear him yell back at her “what’s the problem, I don’t have time, talk fast”…WHAT DID HE JUST SAY??? Sir, be nice…that’s all I could think of saying to him…my sister is not flagging you to get your digits…so after hearing what we “thought” happened, he scoffed at us (of course he thought we were making this up…at 2:30 on a Wednesday afternoon!?! ...seriously?)…and goes “gunshots? I don’t think so…I didn’t hear any gunshots? I was only two streets down” By this time, I’m already irate, this man thinks we don’t have anything better to do on a Wednesday than approach a random cop and report gunshots. He continued to scope the territory all the while scoffing and laughing…asks my dad “sir, did you say you saw a struggle? Did you see someone shooting at some person?” to which my dad replied “no I didn’t witness the actual shooting if there was one but I do know I heard gunshots, witnessed a struggle inside the car, and my guess is someone shot at someone”. To which he goes “well I hope they killed each other!” PLEASE SOMEONE TELL ME WHAT DID THIS MAN JUST BARK??? I’m infuriated…obviously this man, this cop, was not interested in doing his job. Anyhow after 15 minutes of uncovering no evidence whatsoever, we returned to our nest still puzzled over the recent events of the day. Another 15 to 20 minutes passed by and all of a sudden, a plethora of cop cars filled up our street along with a Detective car and a Homicide Unit SUV. We ran outside wondering what happened this time only to find out that there actually were gunshots, and someone was murdered…someone no other than our sweet 30-something year old Hispanic son/neighbor! He was the one who got shot, right in front of his house, while he was sitting on his chair, a victim of a drive-by. So what really happened was by the time we made it outside following the gunshots, our sweet neighbor had managed to drag his almost lifeless body inside the garage but he didn’t make it to his house…he died on the way…inside the garage…6 gun shots…and to this hour (the clock just struck midnight) I still can’t get over the fact that he’s dead…and what’s worse is the entire time we were outside, he was battling to live…right there...only a few feet away from us…and my sister kept insisting we go look inside…AND I DIDN’T…none of us did…we could’ve saved him…we could’ve called the paramedics on time…because there was no one present inside his house at the time he was shot…unfortunately his wife discovered his dead body a good 10 to 15 minutes after the incident. ALL THIS TIME we could’ve saved him AND WE DIDN’T...COULDN'T….no matter how much I try, I can’t get the thought to escape my head…in all of 15 years we’ve been here, I’ve NEVER exchanged a single word with this man yet I’ve always admired him…his courage…his attitude...his efforts to keep our street safe…especially his fatherhood skills…all to end one afternoon over a stupid argument...one man decides to lose all sanity and kills him!!! What has become of this human race??? I swear…no hint of mercy remains…no conscience exists anymore…no heart beats…I mean I do admit I’m not fully aware of the entire story and for all I know, it could’ve been a personal vendetta but still! Yesterday watching CSI take pictures of the crime scene and then carry his body in a plastic bag just gave me the chills…bad chills…my first time witnessing a live crime scene…so close to home…I can’t tell you how scary it is to be this close to all the real drama. It’s so sad, in all these years we never bothered to talk and yet at his death I had nothing but words for him.

Keep smiling...cause we can be “gone…in a split second”…

signed: Thinker-Bell

tHe SuBwAy ScEnE

So I get on the train on my way home from the hospital. I sit down at the very end of the cart with my friend. We are just talking about the day when a short, round Indian man in his mid thirties with the fresh from the motherland….navy blue jacket, green shirt and brown tapered pants look…walks into the train. He is on the other corner but quickly spots us and automatically switches into his favorite Indian actor Govinda. He begins to serenade me with his much rehearsed in the shower singing routine…”La la la la la…mixed in with some phrases that were familiar but that I could not completely recognize…la la la la la…” I couldn’t help but laugh but of course in their language that means flashing green light…I had unintentionally given him the go ahead…So he stops and comes to stand in front of me hanging over the pole…

Happy short, round Indian man: Are you from India?

My friend, on my behalf, of course I am just staring in shock, nodding my head: No

Surprised short, round Indian man: Then where are you girls from?

My annoyed friend: No where…we are from no where…

Surprised and confused short, round Indian man: “From nowhere? Well she looks like she could be Indian..

Friend: NO!

Eager short, round Indian man: “Her (pointing at me with his middle finger of course) for me?”

My friend: N…O…NO!

Sad short, round Indian man: Sigh…

So he turns around and walks to the doorway and waits for his stop. Not losing hope he starts singing again but now takes out his cool new I Phone...plays with it long enough for me to notice…then puts it away…just giving me a little taste of how “cool” he really is...

Still persistent he comes and takes a loop around the pole one last time and with all his might sings his heart out and exits the train as the doors open…

In the ideal world…he would have been the man of my dreams who comes and sweeps me off my feet…but this is the real world…my world…just another one of those stories to add to the collection….

signed: Macky

WORD OF THE DAY!

NADIR: (pronounced nay-dir) the lowest point

signed: Thinker-Bell

NaDiR

continuation of "Rise & Shine...Not Rise & Whine"

So…they say sometimes misery is good for you…it is motivation in disguise…I know because I used mine to dig myself out of my nadir…I had my resume prepared but countless hours of networking, job search and internet research laid ahead. I have to admit looking for a job is teeeeedious…it is practically a full-time job of its own. For at least one month I received zilch responses…as if I was completely non-existent to the outside world…no one was responding to me…it was incredibly frustrating…irateness grew…here I was seeking motivation to change my life instead I was getting discouraged by the minute…it was at that moment I decided to do the inevitable...I decided I would consider moving to New York to find my next dream Market Research job…which meant I was actually ready to cut the cord…yes I’m one of those who still live with my parents…I love my family and I love coming home to them every night but I knew I needed to venture out to seek a better life. So I began to send my resume to companies in New York. In no time I started getting phone calls, emails, leading up to phone interviews resulting in face-to-face interviews. I was in heaven!!! Even though I had no clue how I would go about starting a new life in New York, part of me knew it would come to me in time…I had friends I could rely on for support if I needed…you see I believe in signs…I believe that’s how sometimes God speaks to you…God or your fate…and I saw the sign…and I went towards it! In August, I arrived in New York City for three possible interviews…in a nutshell, my first interview which was at my top-of-the-list company Nielsen Online turned out to be nostalgic…frightening…ODD people…I swear I have not experienced such un-professionalism in an interview before…girls were downright rude…egotistical…bunch of fifteen year olds who rose to fame a little too hastily…it was like being a victim of a good cop/bad cop situation where the good cop stared at the ground without uttering a single word while the bad cop interrogated the bejesus out of me…so you know that didn’t go anywhere. The second company I interviewed with suffered a 200-person lay-off the day before my interview was set…go figure…and my third interviewer scared the hell out of me…again…twice in a row!!! Am I really that fragile…or inexperienced??? So after my 8th day in NYC, I was burnt out, back to square one with no potential…then the amazing happened…my phone rang and this Corporate Recruiter with a company in Houston gave me hope…to come back home and give his company a chance. I arrived in Houston on Friday, interviewed with his company Friday evening and had the offer in my hands the following Friday, exactly a week later!!! At that moment outside Café Express, I realized it couldn’t be any better for me!!! I have my dream Market Research job at a fabulous company, earning the money I desire, and working with a team I feel comfortable with. You see I gave NYC a shot but while I was there, I missed my family and my friends…I missed my life…I knew when the time came, I could survive there but that meant starting a new life with new people, something I’m not too fond of… yet I knew I had to be in NYC for a purpose…each interview I participated in polished and prepared me more for my next …and by the time I interviewed at my new job I was a Pro!!! But not only that, I found out how important it is for me to spend the time I have right now with my family and friends…if I don’t have to then why should I move away from them… if anything life has taught me in the last couple of months is never give up hope, aim for your dream, put your best effort and let good things come to you and you’ll see where change was needed in life for not everything in life is broken…some things in life are truly blessings in disguise…

signed: Thinker-Bell

RiSe & sHiNe…nOt RiSe & wHiNe

So…for many weeks (more like months) I have been candidly “whining” about my daily frustrations at work and monotony of life in general. My parents always taught us growing up it is much easier to feel sorry for yourself than attempt to do something about it. Self-Pity is tempting…self-indulging…makes you doubt your own potential to make better…makes you lose faith in yourself. I see self-pity and lack of faith as analogous. It’s easier to blame the society, the world, incidents, accidents, and other people for mishaps than stepping up to take responsibility. And I’m not someone who shies away from responsibility. I remember when I used to take pride in responsibility…it helped define not only the person I was but a person I could be. Yet I lost part of that sensation over the last couple of years because I stopped thinking about dreams and tasks and people and goals which mattered to me and were dearest to me. For instance, I woke up every day to a job I knew I didn’t have my heart into…it wasn’t what I intended to set out to do more than a decade ago when I graduated from College. I knew I had to go back to doing Market Research – one thing I was passionate for as long as I remember! Recently a dear friend asked me to define the term “Market Research” to him…so I set out to explain what it entailed in most basic terms…in the world of B2B (business-to-business), consumer and media research. It was funny because he interrupted me half way to say oh that’s market research?…I always wondered who signed up for such boring stuff… gee I love boring stuff…well I guess that’s when you know something is a passion…when no one else sees it but you! So for a couple of years after College, I managed to make it in the world of Market Research until the late 90s/early 2000s when the economy was hard hit by the dot com bust. Businesses crumbled and unfortunately market research took a back seat. One can’t stick it out without a paycheck for a long time so I jumped at the first opportunity which knocked at my door…where I work now. Four years later, I came to the realization I needed Market Research back in my life…I’m thankful of the awakening…I’ve heard many people spend years searching for their forte and here I had found mine! Right then I knew finding my dream job was going to be a challenging task…to head back into a field I had stayed away from for many years. I had to network hard, research the industry thoroughly, find out who’s who in Market Research, and most importantly, create the right resume…after all YOU are YOUR RESUME!!! I can’t emphasize it enough…for those of you who find yourselves in my shoes…PLEASE focus hard on your resume!!! You won’t believe everything on my to-do list was easy once I took the time out of my day to actually do it…except for writing that darn resume…boy it was the toughest task of all…I now believe all those articles I read which rated the overwhelming task of “writing your resume” as the number one reason people choose to stay in unhappy jobs…I almost decided to just stay the hell where I was fearing the amount of intelligent brainstorming I had to do to write my resume. But…two nights, four-hour sleeps and five cups of tea later, I completed my resume!!! I was now going to rise and shine, not rise and whine!!! Coming up next: my journey into the world of job search...

to be continued…

signed: Thinker-Bell

gReY's HoPe

Don’t wonder why people go crazy,
wonder why they don’t
In a course of a day,
wonder how we all keep it together

I got this from one of my favorite shows Grey’s Anatomy. Maybe I am bias to it because it is centered on the lives of residents but in all fairness it is about life. In this particular episode, there is a middle aged woman with a brain tumor who goes on vacation before her scheduled elective surgical procedure which she may or may not survive. Well when she goes on this trip she meets the man of her dreams in the Cinderella story type of way, glass slipper and all. She returns to the hospital on the day of the surgery and requests to have her surgery delayed because the love of her life is supposed to be arriving around 4 pm. Her daughter confides in the surgeons that her mother has been known to make up stories ever since she was diagnosed with the brain tumor and that nobody believes that this man really exists. Despite this, they wait until 5:15 pm with no sign of him. The patient starts crying, “Did I make him up? I couldn’t have, it was so real.”

She is taken into the operating room. During the surgery, they are informed that there is a man asking for their patient. She did not wake up again. She never was able to see that he was real.

I woke up today wondering how we all live our lives and somehow manage not to lose it. We are all faced with so many challenges yet for the most part we come out of it stronger, wiser and ready to take on the next one. It’s the power of the human mind. As a medical student, I meet so many different types of people on a daily basis. Some that are strong enough to deal with it on their own, some that are able to hide their fear, some that do not have any emotions at all, some that go into a state of denial, some that break down. Despite all measurements taken, all we can really offer anyone is hope. Hope that at the end of the day, you will have the ability to accept and work thru what life has presented.

signed: Macky

a NeW dAy!!!

So…I know I have been a slacker blogger lately. And it's not because I don't have anything to write about. It's just you know I feel like I'm at a point in my life where the monotony of it is catching up to me…gradually. I'm a fairly optimistic person who lives and breathes in the present moment and always manages to keep myself occupied. Lately, though, I feel like I'm beginning to lose control of the real me and letting boredom consume me. I HATE being in a state of restlessness. It fuels an idle mind and you know what they say about an idle mind: it is the devil's workshop. And my workshop is a magnet for random thoughts…at times useless ones too…thoughts which tend to drain positive energy out of your mind. See…I've always managed to live the present moment to its fullest and not really worry too much about what lies ahead for me. I believe the decisions we make today lay the foundation for our future…doesn't mean I don't plan ahead of time or indulge in savings at all…I do but I don't allow myself to get caught up in the uncertainties of the future. I'm a GIRL OF THE PRESENT TIME! I've always believed things happen for a reason and if you tread forward in life with just some faith, you'll be surprised how life unveils itself to you in all the right places at the right time. For that reason, I have, on most occasions, remained optimistic about life, myself, where I am now and where I am heading, always with hope and never bearing a single shred of doubt about my right to be happy and content. So now that I find myself stuck in this moment of helplessness, I'm slowly beginning to lose my grip on reality and hope…each day. First, I'm tired of where I work. I'm tired of doing the same thing over and over again for 4 years…looking at the same faces each day for the last 4 years…attending the same intense but pointless meetings each day for the last 4 years…all that minus any progression. I'm not sure how I allowed myself to get caught up in this web of monotony…I have never managed to stay at one job for more than two years…I'm an addict for bigger and better things. Going back to when I first got this job, I must admit it was a dream job in many ways. I LOVED the people I worked with. I was envious of my CEO, a thirty-something woman, who came up the ranks of middle class America, worked her way through the same corporate bullshit until finally breathing in some guts to start a successful venture of her own. To draw you a picture of where I worked, our office was a spacious, NY-style loft amidst the artsy district of Houston. Techno/Dance beats played all day long (music from all over the world from Claude Challe, DJ Tiesto to David Guetta and Danii Minogue)…FREE grocery (YES! you asked for anything on the grocery list and it was delivered to you every week)…every other Friday off…a fully-stocked kitchen to show-off your cooking talents…crazy fun happy hours and team building events (picnics at the park, bus rides to the theatre, volunteering at local charity events, lunch massages)…on any given day, the CEO could halt the work day at 5pm and walk us over to one of the nearby restaurants for a quick drink and a fresh breeze! The company was progressive and well reputed in the industry…we were honored amongst Fortune 50 companies and ranked highest in lists like The Fastest Growing Companies and Best Places To Work At. What I did? Maybe not too challenging…however required a level of discipline and tenacity I managed to look forward to and celebrate every day. The best feature of all was the team I worked with… we worked extremely well with each other in spite of our eccentricities…there was sportsmanship and mutual respect amongst everyone and a sense of loyalty and commitment. Most of all, I made two very special friends right here…at this place…hopefully for a lifetime! All the elements factored in my decision to remain employed at this company over the years. It was a place where you felt just downright COMFORTABLE…yes, I want to talk about COMFORT…because it is exactly what is pushing me out the door now. See when I felt COMFORTABLE at this place, I knew I'd be here for a while. COMFORT was healthy until the luxury of it sucked me in big time…to an extent I became immune to a structured schedule… as long as I enjoyed walking into a place for 10+ hours a day, I felt I had nothing else to worry about…spoiled…gradually…no headaches…I mean every other day you'd face a challenge to keep you going yet in the end, you knew exactly what to expect on your typical day…no belittling surprises…the feeling promotes a healthy life outside of work you know…you don't take home the unnecessary headache of a job with you…so it was a relief to have a steady, healthy, thriving, fun work day…then came stagnancy…you realized albeit a typical day at work wasn't a bumpy roller coaster ride, but from time to time, you craved to slip or fall or hit a wall to put those cells in your grey matter in motion so you can pick yourself up…give yourself a challenge…a chance to replenish your strengths…fuel your motivation level…inspire personal growth… all the right ingredients to a better ME…yet at the same time, COMFORT was too tough to let go of…unfortunately now I realize COMFORT is the sole cause of my restlessness...for it depleted me of all the right ingredients…what was I thinking??? I let myself be so consumed with COMFORT, I almost lost the desire to grow…it's killing me…to feel this way…the very essence of the company which inspired me to come work here now makes me want to leave the place…I HATE this comfort…I HATE the free food…I HATE fun parties…nothing seems to motivate me anymore…every day I want to wiggle out of my bubble…there are days I just want to YELL…LOUD. Isn't if funny? What I loved about my life only a few years back I despise now!!! Tells you life is indeed full of 180-degree surprises. BUT since I'm a fairly optimistic person who lives and breathes in the present moment to create my future and believes everything happens for a reason, I'm willing to approach this outlook from a more positive perspective. Just like success one moment can turn into failure the next, you should be nothing but hopeful a failure today can and will only turn into a success next, right??? So the way I look at life is it's never really that bad…you may think now is your worst moment…which means…it's only going to get better from here… after darkness, there's always light…everything in life is connected, one moment only leads to another…your worst now will push out the best in you later…some day in the future you'll be sipping your morning coffee smiling at today, hell you needed to be here today to be there tomorrow, right???!!! So…here's a little breakfast recipe for you to consume every morning you wake up (helps me with my sanity): A dose of patience, perseverance, hope and faith every day will keep the bad juju away!!! Here's CHEERS…to a new day!!!

signed: Thinker-Bell

tHe HiTcH

So…very recently I discovered my sister has my profile up on a Muslim matrimonial website…secretly ALL this time…without my knowledge AND consent…how siblingioushly sneaky of her!!! I know deep down inside she truly has all the good intentions behind her mission so I won't pick on her…not this time…well for starters I'm glad someone "youthful" stepped up to this challenge to help bring single Muslim boys and girls together, contrary to old-fashion match-making practices mishandled by bored, clueless and socially-awkward middle-aged desi aunties. Don't get me wrong, I respect anyone who willingly steps forward in making marriages happen, it's self-rewarding but by no means an easy job…it takes a certain level of awareness, perseverance, idealism, logic, creativity, and soul-fullness paired with ahelluvalotta patience + a prescription of Xanax…in short attributes lacking in many match-makers I've had the pleasure of dealing with. Instead they treat this act of kindness like it's some sort of a business transaction to add fuel to their petty cash fund…well wouldn't it be nice if finding the right person was ONLY that simple!!! So I'm thinking finally someone young, fresh, informed and non-money motivated individual like my sister resurfaces to bring life to an otherwise hope-less venture for many single desi women out there...why wouldn't it work, riiite? So get this, she refers to herself as "The Hitch" of Facebook…the "Love Guru" of the web…do you think match-making is a talent you're born with much like art or music? I think so, I call it the "art of pairing"! And I know I certainly don't have it…I mean if I was to pair up people, they'd think I was socially retarded, I'd make more enemies than Fidel Castro…they'd put a bounty on my head…oh okay maybe not so much cruelty…but I'd suck ROYALLY… oh well…so prior to my sister launching her latest venture, I was seriously questioning and debating the so-called "profession" of match-making especially in our desi culture. Of course the contemplation cultivated as a result of several failed attempts of professional match-making I've experienced over the last years. I seriously ponder if desi-aunty match-making can work on a professional level. What do YOU think? Are you willing to trust someone you barely know to possibly and successfully match you with your soul mate all based on information provided on a given application? Do you really think the mechanics of it works like fitting pieces of a puzzle together…logically not spiritually? Do you think there is/isn't logic to it after all? Do you think it's fair to choose whom you wish to speak to or not speak to based on a picture and a profile? What if someone just takes good pictures at the end of the day. I mean do your pictures reflect your true colors? What if we're passing on the right person by saying no to a bad picture and considering all the wrong options by saying yes to good pictures? I mean close your eyes and think of someone, lets say a guy you know of, whose pictures don't do him justice yet in reality his dynamic personality makes him an irresistibly attractive man you would have undeniably given a chance to any day…but…would you have after looking at only his picture? Are we being fair to ourselves by limiting our perception to pictures and profiles as a means to decide whom we wish to spend the rest of our lives with? I mean think of our typical desi profile: my name - ____; my age - ____ ; my height - ____ (minus 3 inches fo shizzle); my mother's name - ____; my father's name - ____; my mother's occupation - ____ (who cares); my father's occupation - ____ ; my grandfather's name - ____ (puh-leeeaze); my grandmother's name - ____ (dude I barely remember my own grandma's name, u kidding me); my grandfather's occupation - ____ (STOP!!!); my great grandmother-- (it's hurting now); my brother's name - ____ (Jezuz); my brother's wife's occupation - ____ (I think I'm seeing dead people now); my heritage - ____ (human-oid-ish???); here's my FAVorite one my interests - ____ (includes down-to-earth [huh?], biking, reading, music, cycling, going out with friends, movies, skiing, sky diving, scuba diving, mountain climbing, hiking, horse riding, rock climbing, swimming, white-water rafting, diving [it's like a hyper-caffeinated-buzzed-up Michael Phelps])…oh wait…I forgot "Opera"…Opera? OOOOOpera? what the f**k!!! Did you just say Opera? Dude, you're desi, we don't listen to no Opera...stop humiliating yourself…!!! Oh Oh wait…and have you noticed all their sisters are always married…with kids…and they're like 16 no more than 22…??? Why is that so??? Am I the only sister around that defies the norm here sir??? I mean seriously…so let me ask you again, can you really decide based on this information + a Glamour Shot that he may be THE ONE??? Has it ever occurred to you that he's only telling you what he knows you'd LIKE to see on paper? I mean doesn't this ALL seem a bit too superficial to you? Outdated maybe? I mean…haven't we come a long ways to realize this is all too shallow for our times??? That maybe, just maybe, we need to progress towards more innovative ways and encourage more "open" and candid means to get to know each other on a personal level than having to rely on what's on paper. That maybe in this day and age, old tricks should be abandoned and no longer put to use for they only push as behind on the timeline and depreciate our mentality further. If we remain dependent on old-school methods, we won't adapt to new times and the reality is that times have changed and so have we and so have our needs. I'm the new woman who doesn't lack means to support myself, socially, financially, spiritually and mentally, and what I need from my man cannot be reflected via any data on a piece of paper, in all honesty! I want to be taken care of, provided for, I wish to be respected, loved, trusted, but most of all I want to be mentally and intellectually stimulated, how can I possibly conclude that from an already "filtered" profile??? Am I looking in all the wrong places for a BRAINgasm???!!!

I believe good things that are meant to be come to you when the time is right...catch you by suprise...in the moment/time/place you least expect it...when you are ready for it but not necessarily searching too hard for it...so you don't miss out on the present...you acknowledge it, say it, tell the universe sorta way...and let God work His magic...wait for fate to come around the corner...I for one would like to stumble upon the moment by chance...

signed: Thinker-Bell

gRoUnDhOg DaY!!!

I wake up every day to the same thing…the same feeling of impending doom…I do the same exact thing…go to the same coffee shop…order the same nonfat latte…and go to sleep in the same rigid posture with the same when is this going to be over feeling! I have my board exam coming up in about ten days so you can just imagine how horrible I look and feel at this point…actually…no you probably can’t because unlike normal people who have everyday stress in their lives and still manage to take care of themselves and put in an effort to look presentable…I am not one of those people…I just look like crap!

So the downward spiral of my life started a couple of days ago when I woke up one morning and was just physically exhausted…I was soo tired that I got up did the regular brush my teeth and wash my face…but unlike every morning I just couldn’t put in the energy to take a shower…I literally put on a pair of jeans and walked out of my house with the same t-shirt I wore to bed! Yes I am not making that up!

The next day I realize that I have become socially incompetent…I honestly cannot even carry on a normal conversation about nothing…I think I have been reading about soo many diseases that I have forgotten the common words in the English language…it would be excusable to some point if I actually was knowledgeable about medicine but even that I cannot recall….
sooo I was talking to my mom…the last person who would give up on me…I mean she has to love me unconditionally….and she should talk to me regardless of me making any sense…so she puts me on speakerphone…tells me that she is just doing stuff but she is listening…so I go on telling her this story about a movie I watched at 2 in the morning cuz I couldn’t sleep…a couple of minutes later…I hear my dad say my name and I am like dad where did u come from…and in a confused tone he goes who are you talkin to…so I am like mom obviously who else would I be talking to…and he responds…well she left for bed bath a couple of min ago…OMG!!

And I think this morning I officially hit the lowest point of my studying career….I went to the laundromat cuz I have absolutely nothing left to wear…so I am in there tryin to get change for the washing machine and this girl next to me who is using the ATM (she is dressed all cute, hair done..makeup and all that jazz) taps me on my shoulder and is like excuse me…why isn’t the ATM working…has it been giving you these problems? My jaw just dropped open…I guess my silence and blank stare tipped her off…and she goes…omg! you don’t work here!

When is this day going to end?????

signed: Macky

FiRe AwAyYyYyY

So…today was “let’s fire someone” day at work!!! I come in…uh hmmh…stroll in at 7:45 a.m. to see this email from our CEO:

“Good morning,

Hope everyone had a relaxing weekend!

As of Friday, S and D are no longer employed with OUR COMPANY. It’s important that we move forward as a team and get ready to hire two more amazing team members. Team COMPANY is a strong team and the best team I know. See you guys soon.”

Well…what can I say…I’ve been here long enough to know any email that begins with “Hope everyone had a relaxing weekend” spells t.r.o.u.b.l.e…it’s like reading “Heyyyyyy! If you thought today was going to be just another relaxing day…well guess what??? PUNKED!!!” I mean seriously…we are now officially the Martha Stewart of BAD Corporate hiring decisions. Our new slogan: “Be all that you cannot be!” Just over the last year, we have lost 12 people guys!!!??? Those were not 12 BAD people, they were 12 MISfit people. I am about to write an email to Marcus Buckingham (author of Now Discover Your Strengths), should he need some real-life stories to talk about on bad hiring decisions, he should definitely HOLLA at my CEO, first chance, no kidding!!! I’m not trying to bad-mouth my company y’all but I’m no CEO, I’m just an average girl from the ghetto trying to weed my way through Corporate America, and if I can manage to smell an unfit hire in the first few days, then why can’t my CEO smell it too??? I mean she only got what, a 20-year head start on me. And the icing on the cake -- we were served breakfast tacos this morning, a FEAST!!!??? Surprise!!! Let’s have a taco toast to the ones we fired today…CHEERS!!! OH that sucks…

So…as I gulp down these damn good tacos during our painfully dragging Monday morning meeting, another shocker…I mean heyyyy, this just keeps getting funNER & funNER by the minute:

(E = Employee)

E1: I just spoke to this brilliant guy JOHN DOE for one of our clients…he’s awesome! I’m so excited about him {with a big smile on his face}
ELEPHANT: (remember? Queen of personal shyt at work!) WHAT? JOHN DOE? OMG if he’s the guy I think he is, OMG, he totally looks like a serial killer--
E1: Uhhh...
E2: What do you mean?
ELEPHANT: a a a a a a a don’t get me wrong…I mean he’s the sweetest guy y’all, so adorable over the phone but kid you not, in person, he’s scary, reminds you of a serial killer you know the guy from what’s-his-name movie Con-Air, remember that Native-American looking guy with tattoos all over…OMG…he looks JUST LIKE HIM
E2: Who?
ME: John Malkovich?
E3: No not him--
ELEPHANT: oh oh he was also in Quentin Tarantino’s movie with all those vampires with George Clooney in it--
ME: oooooooo him...welllll no he’s not that scary looking, is he? (I figured I’ll keep adding fuel to this fire to make our conversation last longer, I mean, it was either this or our flash report…NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO)
ELEPHANT: OMG YEAaaa…he’s scary if you’re the only one in the room with him. I mean I’m serious a a a a a a if you saw him, you would run back into your room and lock the door--
E4: oh WAIT!!! Was this the guy that E5 picked up from the airport one time for one of our client interviews and she was so scared she called me from the car, said she totally didn’t want to be with this guy all alone by herself during lunch, and WAIT did she not drop him off at the restaurant, ran to her house to pick up a knife???!!! OMG E5 carried a knife through the lunch I remember--
E2: Dude, we need to background check this guy?
E1: (still mesmerized over what he just ignited) wait…wait…can we background check him on that? I mean…isn’t that profiling?
E2: No dude, I mean if you’re scary looking with tattoos all over, you’re not a protected class I’m sorry---that’s not profiling…ha ha ha ha (fake laugh…oh I despise E2’s Dr. Evil laugh)
S: (poor S, he’s no longer here) How about we trick him into answering our questions like hey dude, how you do you make a shiv??? Or what’s the best place to stab a person at night???
E2: ha ha ha ha (fake laugh…again...ugggggghhhhhhhh)
ELEPHANT: Oh yeah…totally…I mean I’m sorry but what can we do…I mean he’s had jobs in the past but we need to do some serious OTR on this guy (OTR = off the record)

{Long pause}

E6: okay guys…here’s a brief recap of our numbers…all of you have a copy of our flash report--

ME: {timed out} {gone} {day-dreaming}

signed: Thinker-Bell

ThE OfFiCe

SO…for those of you who have spent countless hours with me I.M’ing about our FAVvorite TV shows (LOST, Prison Break, Lipstick Jungle, Supernatural, AI), you know I LURVE The Office!!!! I mean I absolutely LOVE it!!! OMG Michael is my favorite, this man makes me cry, I dig Steve Carell, I have been a devoted fan since the days of Bruce Almighty. I mean if you suffer (like me) from a disease called Corporate America, you just gotta love the show…So anyways Twinsy and I were I.M’ing yesterday about how we were so close to becoming famous bloggers only if we had been creative enough to produce a “reality” blog featuring OUR own company, OUR office. Twinsy and I worked together in the same team until the beginning of this year. Twinsy however moved on to bigger and better things whereas ME? hmmmh not so…I’m still suffering…like being caught in an epidemic. My sisters like to think I work for the C.I.A…well…honestly because my job is SO mundane, they just don’t want to believe someone of my intelligence and potential level can find this interesting. I really think they refuse to believe that I allow myself to be humiliated 10 hours a day. It’s like everyday I walk into an episode of the Twilight Zone where ME the actress wants to escape the building but she just effin can’t!!! We have some crazy characters here…crazy as in ODD…some of them should be labeled official Jack Asses…others should walk around with a sign “use with caution”…there’s this lady – for the record I’ll call her Ms. D - she strolls I mean dances around the office ALL the time…every time she walks by I calm myself down and slowly repeat to myself “objects in the office may appear dumber than they are”…you know to aid my nerves…alleviate the pain…I promise this will all end one day…no wonder I’ve started munching on honey roasted almonds at work…I must be going nuts…literally...no kidding…one day as I’m taking a breather in the restroom from the morass of emotions I sulk in every day, I hear the door open and this woman jives into the restroom, dancing, humming, snapping, it was Ms. D again…I mean someone enter her into the show “So You Think You Can Dance” so she can get off MINE!!! So when Nad used to work here, my other work pal, she and I would be on I.M. umpteen times a day gossipin about everyone in the office…tells you what productive employees we were!!! Our FAVvorite victim – Ms. Elephant – an all-American, rich, Southern, spoiled, uber conservative woman practically a walking national anthem for the Republican party, hence earning her title Ms. Elephant. Ms. Elephant, aside from being a victim of Tourette Syndrome where she suffers from random outbursts of socially inappropriate and derogatory remarks towards Liberals, loves to do all kinds of personal shyt at work. Interesting! No really…I know exactly when her OBGYN appointments fall, what needs cleaning, where she’s vacationing for Xmas, and oh, how many times her dogs shit around the house…if that wasn’t enough, I walk into the office today to become a victim of this torture:

Ms. Elephant: Hi honey (to her husband, mind you a grown-up 30-something dude with tattoos all over)
Honey: { }
Ms. Elephant: how are you feeling?
Honey: { }
Ms. Elephant: I mean how are your bowel movements coming along?
Honey: { oh God please I hope she’s calling me from her car }
Ms. Elephant: is it…chunky or is it liquid-y?
Honey: { why the f**k did I marry this woman }
Ms. Elephant: Ohh…they’re still liquid-y? Well are you taking that medication for it? Oh you are? Okay…any better?
Honey: { stoooooooooooooop }
Ms. Elephant: okay…well…I love you! Hope you feel better…but keep me posted okay…just watch what you eat…
Honey: { liar }
Ms. Elephant: I love you too!

I’m not kidding…this is what I walk into today…at The Office…my very own Dwight Schrute!!!

signed: Thinker-Bell

WORD OF THE DAY!

ALBEIT: (pronounced awl-bee-it) conceding the fact that; even though; although

signed: Thinker-Bell

ThOsE cRaZy EiGhTs...

Found something interesting to share with my readers! Last week I received this random email from a networking event which spoke of a concept I wasn’t familiar with at all up till now: the significance behind 8/8/8 or August 8th, 2008. Well to begin with, this will probably be the only 8/8/8 we will experience in this lifetime and can you believe it’s just around the corner!!! In Chinese Numerology, 8 is considered the luckiest of all numbers as it signifies prosperity, wealth, good luck and happiness. So much that in the Chinese culture, 8/8/8 is one of the most popular dates for couples to hold wedding or engagement receptions. Couples who tie knots on this day are believed to attract an abundance of good fortune and happiness in their married lives. Isn’t this fun??? So…being the pathetically romantic individual that I am, I decided to do some research on this subject, in the process, uncovered some interesting facts I thought I’d share with y’all:

**The digits 888 are considered to be a very special combination of the number 8 in the Chinese Culture consequently making August 8th, 2008 or 8/8/8 one of the one most popular and sought after wedding dates of the year

**The number 8 turned sideways represents the symbol for infinity…in marriage, this can symbolize eternal love and blessings and a strong beginning to an eternal belonging

**Two rings when intertwined make an 8

**This Chinese concept has gained so much popularity in non-Chinese cultures around the world that wedding capitals such as Las Vegas have already announced special deals on accommodations for couples to wed on 8/8/8, and while some vendors graciously offer discounted prices to their brides and grooms, others conveniently up their prices to at least twice as much

**Any combination of digits consisting of the number 8 is considered lucky & the more, the merrier. So how about we set the wedding date and time for August 8th, 2008 at 8:08pm…88888!!!??? Let’s order an 8-layer cake and serve an 8 course meal with 8 dessert choices to 8 guests per table…888888888!!! Make sure you include 8 items in your wedding favors…8888888888…and while you’re at it, order 8 different types of flowers for your table centerpieces…88888888888!!! Ah YES, don’t forget to say “I Love You” to your special someone that day – a phrase that just happens to contain exactly 8 letters!!!

**2008 Olympic games with be held in Beijing China with the opening ceremony on August 8th, 2008 – 8/8/8

So let’s see what 8/8/8 brings in our lives…I’ll be looking forward to hearing from all of you!!! Meanwhile hope you enjoyed my craziness!!!

signed: Thinker-Bell

WORD OF THE DAY!

OPINE: (pronounced o-pine) to state as an opinion

signed: Thinker-Bell

LiFe...SuMTiMeS...jUsT iSn'T fAir!!!

Last week Monday night, I was sitting and day dreaming in my room when my sister Sarah yelled at me to come out and watch the news on CNN. I’m sure most of you have probably heard of the case by now about the Indian man who’s accused of killing his black daughter-in-law. Happened eight years ago - he supposedly hired a hit man to have his daughter-in-law killed, the poor woman was stabbed multiple times, the husband was not on the scene (hmmm why isn’t that being looked into?) Anyhow the news was devastating of course but what really caught my attention was the special report CNN decided to air following this headline highlighting the topic of “skin color” discrimination in India. The Reporter was commenting on how the outrage on the Indian man’s part was not just a result of a type of racism felt in the Western world – your blacks vs whites issue – but was more so a by-product of a society’s long & deeply-rooted insecurities and complexities towards darker-skinned individuals, people especially women who just aren’t fair enough. The Reporter went on saying that a mentality such as this gave preferential treatment to fair-skinned women, a general consensus he felt while interviewing some of his Indian comrades. Existence of certain cream products (helloooo remember Fair N Lovely!!!) in the Indian society advertised to make your skin complexion lighter hence fairer exemplifies such ignorance. That part made me Laugh Out Loud…felt good for a change…to have a media conglomerate as substantial as CNN confirm what I opine on!!!

So today at the office I sit and stare at this darn computer screen, BORED as hell, puh-lease someone save me from this BOREDOM…I'm dyyyyyyyyyyyye'in....I decide to Google the news to see whatever happened of that Indian man’s trial. In my search I come upon another news as seen below:

NEW DELHI: For a society often seen to reflect a deeply ingrained bias for "fair skin", a Supreme Court ruling sentencing a man to two years in jail for driving his wife to suicide following taunts over her "dark" complexion will serve as both a warning and a mirror to its uglier traits. The apex court was firm that ridiculing a wife by calling her "black" amounted to severe mental torture. While the court and legislature have acted against caste-based and, lately against gender-based prejudices, the colour handicap had not engaged its attention so far. In the facts of the case, Syed Fathima, within two months of her marriage to Farook Batcha in August 1999, got so distressed with the constant quarrels in her matrimonial home because of her dark complexion that she finally decided to end her life by pouring kerosene and setting herself on fire. In her dying declaration, she said that since her complexion was dark, her husband did not like her and there were frequent quarrels. A day after giving the statement, she died in hospital.

Sad, isn’t it? More serious of an issue than I thought it to be!!! No kidding!!! I’m sitting here hatin on all desi aunties for making those ignorant gorree remarks meanwhile in some other part of the world, a desi uncle is doing much worse - killing the non-gorree wife! It made me realize, just when you think you have it bad, there’s worse around the corner, with someone else. And that shouldn’t make you feel any better about yourself, should make you feel more thankful of what you have. See…some dark-skin woman who gets tortured by her in-laws or her society for not being fair enough & good enough looks at me on the street and wonders, “Man, this b*tch has it easy!” Oh what little she knows…that there’s always worse around the corner, with someone else. How ironic...life sometimes just isn’t fair!!!

signed: Thinker-Bell

OnE sMaLL sTeP 4 mAn...a GiAnT LeAp 4 mAnKiNd!

My parents are very nice people. I mean really nice in the sense that they let people walk over them sometimes! Growing up I told myself that I want to be like my parents except for the really really nice part. I would try to be fair and stand up for myself when I needed to.
Being on my own has allowed me to grow into myself and test the waters to see how different I really am in handling situations. But of course the apple does not fall far from the tree. So over the past year I have been getting myself into situations that have made me question my abilities. I realized that I just stay quiet and take it in for the most part. I don’t know if it is the avoidance factor or whether I feel like it is not worth getting into. Basically whatever the reason is I am a wimp!
So here is the story…
I am working in the clinic these days and everyone who works there has an attitude problem especially one particular nursing assistant…hmm for the sake of confusion we will call her “B”. I believe in being professional with everyone. I don’t care what your job title is I am going to treat you in the same nice manner. So I am working with my attending who is flipping through a patient’s chart and cannot seem to find a particular lab result. She asks me to go to the front desk and ask “B” to print out the lab result. When I ask B for a print out, she tells me without taking her eyes off the computer screen that it should be in the chart. When I tell her that it is not there and that we have looked through it a couple of times, she says in a harsh, demanding tone as if she does not believe me “give me the chart!” So I turn around and go get the chart for her (cuz of course my attending and I are incompetent at looking through papers for a lab result) Anyway she flips through the chart and is in shock that it is actually not there…so she prints it out for me…I go back with the paper and the attending asks me for another set of results...so I go back and apologize saying that the Dr. forgot to ask for the other set of results the first time and would like a copy of those also…she looks at me and says “I’m going to smack you!” I was in shock for a second…I couldn’t believe that this woman just said that out loud in front of everyone…there were other staff members there as well as an entire waiting room filled with patients just staring back at me…I just asked her to print it out and walked away….
I couldn’t believe myself!!! I said nothing!!! Whats wrong with me?? I had actually gotten into worse situations prior to this one and had said nothing….but I couldn’t let this go! this was it!!! I had to stand up for myself!!
So I decided that I was just going to ignore her and not acknowledge her presence (I know!! Wow I am really standing up for myself!!)
My last day there finally arrives and nothing had happened since where I could defend myself against the wicked witch of the east…
Then right at the knick of time an opportunity presents itself…after seeing the last patient I walk up to my attending to say my goodbyes…and while I am talking to her…“B” comes rushing into the office saying I need to talk to u (my attending) about a patient…I turn around and say very firmly “I was here first, you can wait your turn!” She gives me this OMG look and sits down on the chair…then the rest of the med students come in and we get into a conversation about how the rotation was and all that good stuff…”B” gets up from her chair and interrupts again saying “this will only take a second” before she could say another word…I look at her and say “I don’t think you heard me, we are still talking” My attending tells her just give me a couple of min they are about to leave…

VICTORY!! I know its small but baby steps rite???

signed: Macky

sLeEpEr StAlKeR

So any of you Facebook stalk??? My Space stalk??? As you can tell, I’m in need of some serious agreeableness this morning. You see up till a year and a half ago I was quite proud to be a normal & sane individual. I was going about living my independent life, free of chaos, I didn’t care to know who was doing what as long as I was doing what I needed & wanted to do. But soon this thing, this magic called Facebook appeared. It was all well and good in the beginning, I mean how refreshing it was to connect with cousins and friends I hadn’t seen in ages…oh look there’s that boy I had a crush on back in high school…oh my god look at her she’s put on so much weight…FUN…hooked on Facebook!!! Btw I was totally addicted to THE WALL…whoever invented the damn thing…with every new post I felt important…I went from txt’in and callin my friends to messaging them on Facebook “wux up/what’s goin on/u busy?” Within moments you went from 5 friends to 300 friends…all of a sudden I was Catherine Zeta-Jones and Peter Petrelli from Heroes…stupid but felt like maybe I should just leave that stuff on there so people will get to know me better…what’s better than a renowned Personality Test telling you you are as sexy as Angelina Jolie…man, that felt good…but then the craziness started…and soon I began to notice symptoms of insanity within me and around me…little snippets of it here n there…called Facebook stalking!!! It’s a sickness, madness, spurrrreading…and so far, no sign of alleviation is on the horizon atleast for me. This reliance on other people’s lives is noxious for my self-esteem. The other day I ran into people I hardly see unless at dholkees or Eid parties of course yet they happen to be my friends on Facebook (I’m nice that way, I guess I’ve allowed all sorts of people to interfere in my life) and they knew exactly where I had been and what I had been up to the weekend before…I was bewildered…and then the verdict came out “Oh we know because we were reading the comments on your wall”…bummer!! That’s not right! But hell I do the same…well at least I don’t walk up to random people and gladly unveil my stupidity to them. A couple of weeks back I got this insane post on my wall saying forward your message onto your friends to find out who stalks your profile the most…and I panicked…because if I can manage to do that, SO CAN THEY!!! I was so fearful of it I ignored the message altogether as if it doesn’t even exist on my wall…I figured I’d rather not know…because if it works, and those MoFo’s find out I’ve spent countless days n nights staring at their profile page, I’m gonna have to bury my head someplace dark and hope to be never spotted again. A few days later my sister innocently confessed to something…she told me she was browsing thru someone’s profile and her picture appeared on their profile page, right underneath it were the words “YOU WERE HERE”…she goes she panicked…and then just so it would seem like she wasn’t sniffin around, she said she was bound to leave a friendly msg on their wall. After listening to that, I diverted all my energy into some digging in Facebook and HA HA…found out it was a SCAM…altogether…thank GOD for that!!! ohhhh the relief…but it was sad at the same time, to see what had become of this individual I refer to as ME! I was NEVER like that…I could care less about the world around me or other people’s lives…the fuel to my life was my own independence…and now? The source of energy has been diverted to dependence…and this is not what I want my life to become. I don’t like the new ME, the “sleeper” stalker!!! Which leads me to my thought of the day…with this new era of technology, as we grow more connected to each other, are we growing that apart from ourselves?

signed: Thinker-Bell

WORD OF THE DAY!

FORTITUDE: (pronounced FOR-tuh-tood) strength of mind that enables a person to encounter danger or bear pain or adversity with courage

signed: Thinker-Bell

NYC iN aLl ItS gLoRy...

I somehow always manage to be at the wrong place at the wrong time but I can’t help it…
So these days I am supposed to arrive at the hospital by 6:30 in the morning and it takes me an hour to get there…so yes that means that the sun doesn’t even come up when my alarm goes off…
Well like every morning I struggle to get up…sleep in the shower…put on my scrubs… (thank God I don’t have to think about what to wear…that would be a disaster!)…put my hair in a half a** bun…and walk out the door…so basically I do the whole “messy, who cares what I look like” look (of course I regret it every morning when I get to the hospital and all the other girls in my rotation look like they are about to go to a photo shoot even with scrubs on!)
Anyway back to the actual story….so I get on the bus and get to the subway station…walk down the stairs and there is a homeless man sitting on the stairs…sadly nothing out of the ordinary…he says good morning beautiful…I just walk past by….and go to wait for the subway…so as I am standing there I can feel him staring at me...kinda creepy but whatever…so the train arrives and I walk in…the same man from the stairs comes running into my section…he sits across from me at first and then gets up and comes sits next to me….mind you there are like 30 open seats all around…there a few other people on the train already but all passed out because of course normal people are still sleeping at this time…so I start freaking out a little…he grabs my arm and tries to put his head on my shoulder…my instant reaction was to bolt up off my seat as I say “let go”…my heart is racing fast…I walk to the other end of cart….as he yells “hey, hey, you…hey” I get to the other end and sit down facing away from him…near a guy who was sleeping in hopes that maybe he would help me out if something were to happen…so we finally get to the next stop (seemed like forever)…by this time he had walked up to me…and before the doors opened…he got 2 inches from my face, looked straight into my eyes…and says “I’m going to kill you” and walks out….
OMG!! What was that all about?? The whole way to the hospital I was freakin out…I know that it is highly unlikely that he is actually going to do something to me but the fact that he touched me was sending chills down my spine…usually “they” just pass comments but never get close enough to actual physical contact!
So now I have to re-route so that I am not at the place I am supposed to be at the time I’m supposed to be there because apparently that is being at the wrong place at the wrong time!

signed: Macky

WORD OF THE DAY!

for my non-desi Clan...

DESI: (pronounced they-see) refers to someone or something "local", "regional" or "indigenous" to the subcontinent; in North America and Great Britian, it is a term used "informally" to describe South Asian immigrants and their descendants

signed: Thinker-Bell

DiDn'T c ThAt CoMiNg...

Life is full of surprises! We all know that, no surprise there! YET how many times we find ourselves saying out loud, “oh crap! I didn’t see that coming!” Well guys, being 31 years of age living single in one of the most crowded cities of this nation, I didn’t see ME coming!!! I never thought in a million years that I would be where I am right now…at this moment…single, working, struggling, procrastinating, confused, overwhelmed…forget that, NEVER did I imagine I would be SINGLE (period)…!!! Of all life’s mysteries, this one undoubtedly remains a surprise, a mystery! Hey, don’t get me wrong, I’m in no way implying that I make a “great catch” but exactly where does the answer to this mystery lie??? I’m still searching…I mean c’mon I’m Pakistani, we don’t last “fruitless” for this long!!! In my desi world, I’m practically approaching menopause…I mean desi girls I graduated high school with are well on their way to granny-hood! And where am I? rather you don’t ask…if I only knew it would’ve been this challenging to find a good, healthy, fine, breeding desi mate, I would have at least paused to reconsider the ones I puked on…before I got here…the other day, I almost picked up the phone to call a guy I had refused to collaborate with on any level a couple of years back. For all I know, he was proly dead/married/whatever but as I sat there, I began to think: is there anyone I can reconsider…possibly recycle??? Hmmmh

Lemme familiarize my non-desi clan with what it’s like to be our kind in this day n age. Dating is fairly a recent LOB (Line Of Business) for us folks…you have to know, our parents and their parents and their parents before them would rather walk through fire than DATE!!! We practiced what is called the art of Arranged Marriage (would you believe friggin Wikipedia has a definition for that, HA!: An Arranged Marriage, also called a Prearranged Marriage, is a marriage arranged by someone other than the persons getting married, curtailing or avoiding the process of courtship). COURTSHIP!!! Yes, my new faaavvvv word…I love it!!! Anyhow, there was utter absence of courtship and frankly speaking, I’ll be fooling myself if I didn’t admit this is still true to this day. Abstinence from sex is one thing but abstinence from courtship altogether is another and yet, courtship is impermissible in many families even today. You are given one…two if you’re damn lucky…“meetings” to decipher the secret code, will this equation x+y work? Of course with times a changing, mentalities a shakin, we’re now entering the dating zone but remember , you end up dating men/women who are raised in homes where the union of a man and woman before marriage is still considered an anomaly. So even if you think this potential man/woman you’re out on a date with is advanced (term used to describe human types who have conveniently transitioned into and adopted certain lifestyle elements of the western civilization), you may just never know!!! You may just never know that the man you’re having a fine dinner with at P.F. Chang’s probably appreciates you for taking the time out of your busy day to meet with him yet doesn’t help but wonder “hmmm if she showed up to meet with me on a brink of a phone call, wonder how hastily she approached other men before me…she definitely looks like a “fast” type to me”…and must I say if you happen to be a well-dressed, decent-looking, intelligent, independent, and self-assured woman, the rush to judgment on his part is quicker than the speed of light. And so they begin to gear conversations in an attempt to justify their theory: “so…have you met anyone before me?”…okay, I’ll look like America’s most UNwanted if I answer NO to this question so of course I’m obligated to answer “of course, I have…” (pause)…“so… how come you haven’t found anyone special yet?”…“well, just haven’t really clicked with anyone, u know” (pause)…“really? That’s weird…in all your 31 yrs you’re saying you haven’t really clicked with anyone?” (oh crap! What have I done here, he must think I have a haunting alter-ego) “welllll yeeeeaah I did one time but it didn’t work out” (pause) girls…you just eFFed up BiiiiG time here, YOU just admitted to a desi guy that he isn’t going to be your FIRST one, do you realize what you’ve done???!!! You’ve opened up a whole new can of worms…do you have any idea what’s going through this man’s head right now??? “Oh I bet she was physically close to him…see…I knew it…the moment she showed up I knew she was the “fast” type…and this just proves it!” You just gave him a reason to re-consider you as a possible mate…OR a reason to just play cautious according to his standards…which means the antennas are up and be ready for some cross-questioning…but then again, if you had decided to skip the matters entirely by not accepting the invitation politely, you’d have to hear “Why can’t we meet? Don’t your parents allow you to date?” saying to themselves in the mean time “God, this larkee (meaning chick) is such a paindu” (meaning an old-fashioned individual deviant from the practices of the modern culture). So you see, we’re screwed either way, be or not be, we’re eFFed!!! Many of us can’t even get through a simple date without feeling the urge to lie or deceit or simply hop around an issue. Because we cannot absolutely afford to be judged! And why should we be? Truthfully I may seem like the dominant type who insists on getting things done MY way but sincerely, I’m NOT…I can go with the flow just like any other desi woman out there, local or international…I’m just as understanding and compromising…than why am I subjected to such criticism???

Don’t get me wrong. I’m not shying away from questions or asking for preferential treatment here. I lurve conversations, intellectual discussions, BRAINgasms as I like to refer to them. And I would lurve to find out as much as I can about you so dude, it’s your god-given right to get to know me and ask me all sorts of questions…by all means come forth…HOLLA…ask me questions about my life, what I like to do, what I look for in a guy, what drives me, what makes me itch, what makes me smile, asks me my thoughts on fellow democrats BUT don’t really bother too much with where and with whom I’ve been before you UNTIL you can handle what I have to say! Why is it that my past relationships with men are steering you away from me? Why does the existence of men in my life before tonite bother you? Did you really think my life was bare naked until your highness walked in? of course I’ve dated before, who knows, I might have had serious relationships before…yeah…short or extended…and please be my guest, ASK about them…if you intend to use that information to get to know me more and appreciate that I’ve made all the right/wrong decisions in life to get to where I am knowing the point where I am is here…with you…live this moment…make it worthwhile…if I hadn’t been there, I wouldn’t be here…simply…but don’t ask if you can’t handle “sharing” me…and please don’t let your insecurities flow through your veins while you boast about sleeping with some random white chick during college…don’t really care if it was just innocent sex…or a mistake…LOOK at me…you see me smiling? It’s not nice to hold someone to standards you yourself don’t exceed or even come close to. It’s not fair to stamp someone’s past as extra baggage while consider your own a mistake/a learning phase.

But then I pause to wonder, should I even be questioning my desi man? I mean does he really realize what he’s doing or not doing? If he doesn’t know any better, should he be punished at all? See, what I’m trying to get to is it’s not fair to hold someone accountable for something they’re not even aware of. I sit here and think and think and think and think over n over n over again and realize maybe, just maybe, the problem doesn’t lie in the way our parents think or within our society or within the realms of our cultural taboos or with men in general (once again thinking out loud here but feel free to disagree). Maybe there are no obvious problems here. Maybe it’s just US…maybe I’m the epitome of the NEW generation desi woman. Are we the generation representing the First of its kind? Are we the guinea pigs of our society, subjects of a new experiment…of life and times? Are we the generation that has no predecessor? I have no predecessor, I don’t know about you…I have no one like me to look back on and learn from…I have no means to measure myself, I have no frame of reference…which means neither does he…he’s not ignorant or arrogant, he just doesn’t know ME well enough YET…see my life doesn’t come with surprises…I AM THE SURPRISE!!!

Boy, I didn’t see that coming…

signed: Thinker-Bell

A gReAtEr PuRpOsE

So why do things happen the way they happen? I think that is pretty much the same as asking someone the meaning of life? I think the cliché answer or should I say the safe answer is always…it was just meant to be…really I think that is your friend’s honest way of saying you know what I have no friggin idea but I expect you to tell me the same exact thing next week when I am having a crisis cuz even though it means nothing and only offers the temporary, false reassurance that everything is going to be alrite somehow it makes sense! Okay so perfect example…I was sitting at the coffee shop the other day engrossed in my books studying for a board exam which btw is the story of my life…ive been in school for as long as I can remember and I don’t know how much longer I have…it seems to get longer every year. Anyway so I am sitting there taking my occasional people watching breaks…and there is a guy and girl who have been sitting across from me for quite some time…he was studying something and she was helping him…they would take little breaks and have a conversation every once in a while…she would flirt with him in a subtle way…he responded positively…so I thought how sweet she is helping him out hoping that he would notice how hopelessly in love she is with him…then a song comes on and she says “ohh I love this song” and he responds “oh yea the girl im talking to likes this song too”…her facial expression changes completely but in order to hide that her heart just hit the floor she composes herself and responds almost too enthusiastically “oh you met someone”…he gets all excited…his tone changes as he talks about this new girl going on as if she just doesn’t exist…come on he had to have known that she wasn’t just going to give him her whole Saturday because she is nice…I mean all the signs were there how could he not have noticed…who on their free Saturday goes and sits at a coffee shop with someone who is studying just to stare at them…I mean I have studied my entire life and am still at it…so no one knows better than me how excruciatingly painful it is and how it would be even worse giving someone company while they torture themselves …and she just listens to him as he goes on with the occasional and respectable “ohh how nice” squeezed in…*sigh* in my head I hear the song by alanis morisette isn’t it ironic…its like meeting the man of your dreams…and his beautiful wife….I couldn’t have been more sad for her…was it just meant to be… …hmm…so why did that happen the way it did??

Ok so I moved to NYC about a year ago for school…I never thought I would have moved around as much as I have within the last three years of my life…I even went to a small island in the Caribbean for school….before you get all excited…I don’t mean an island getaway…I’m talking bout straight up third world…the side of the island you don’t see because you never leave the confines of your resort…flies in your food…no real stores…no fast food…the skinniest cows you have ever seen standing in the middle of the road…some days the cows even chase you down the road…cant even make that up…yes they chase you…you have to put one foot in front of the other really really fast…I was there for almost two years and every day felt like the longest day of my life…

Well I made it through that time in my life as well…really haven’t figured out why I had to go through it yet. I guess I’m supposed to fill some greater purpose…at least that’s what I tell myself to get through the day…maybe that’s why things happen the way they do…for some greater purpose…hmmm…

signed: Macky

WORD OF THE DAY!

I'm a GeEk for vocabulary...

CONTRARIAN: A person who takes a contrary position or attitude or an opposing view, especially, one who rejects the majority opinion

signed: Thinker-Bell

DeLiVeRaNcE

SO HERE WE BEGIN!! A long-awaited, deeply anticipated, much needed & thoroughly discussed journey coming to an end started by two buddies over sushi at Japanero’s just about a year ago, two girls who have known each other since the forbidden days of uni-brows and non-threaded moustaches!!! (Amen to that sista) Two women, my friend and I, who share similar lives, synonymous struggles, laughters and…to be honest…happen to be no different than anyone of you…really!!! We finally put into words a masterpiece waiting to happen…our very own blog!!! So we can translate our thoughts to you, our view-on-life to you, think of us as The View online minus the celebrities, the Republicans, and the outrage. We don’t do it for ratings...we do it because we like to just THINK OUT LOUD!!! As for me, you may call it an inspiration unveiling itself…or a path destining to happen…or a hampered talent revealing itself gradually…or that I’m just plain ole bored with a lot of time on my hands and just about tired of my monotonous life…AT times though, not always!! (I’d like to point out that I AM a happy, positive person by nature indeed…almost…most of the time) As you can see I love the “…” (dot dot dot)…not the recommended grammatical approach for a writer but oh well, screw English for now. Going back to what I said earlier, I’m HERE because I want to THINK OUT LOUD!!! (and by now you must have noticed I love the “!!!”-exclamation, exclamation, exclamation) YES people! I’ve realized it’s the best self-therapy there is out there and it’s absolutely FREE. As we grow older or so it appears I have outrageously done so in the last couple of years, I’ve come to realize I have the tendency to just get annoyed…like easily…I mean no tolerance, patience watsoeva…or what we like to say in Urdu, no sabar. My argument is most people are either crazy or if not, they’re dead. Normalcy is a scarce commodity to find these days…well isn’t it? Is it just me making this crap up or do I hear an applause???? I canNOT seem to find normal people these days. Hence I get annoyed because somebody somewhere at any given moment does & will manage to piss me off…so I figured if I just speak my thoughts out loud, I FACE it! YES the ultimate resolution…FACE YOUR FEARS...I seem to think it works. That combined with my infinite, outrageously, dreamy mind (baby! that which can manifest everything and anything unimaginable) and my somewhat mildly-humored nature can put these fingers in action and create some great words ever written on the face of I.M. (or as my friend Nad likes to call it “you’re on a roll here”). So yea I LURVE thinking out loud…things people only imagine or question inside their heads but afraid to speak up because they fear of being heard, or looked down upon, or castigated for, or picked on for being too prudish. I DON’T CARE! I’m going to question it…like why things happen the way they happen? WHY? WHY do people ask you how are you doing but don’t care to pause to listen to what I have to say? Damn it! You asked me how the f**k I’m doing…I need to tell somebody …someone…and then YOU came along…and now you won’t even stop??? You could’ve just treaded along for all I care…but you didn’t…so now you MUST hear me! Or…WHY is it sooooo hard to find a normal man these days? NO seriously my single gal pals…jokes aside…we all say that and it’s become sort of an outdated cliché but that shouldn’t imply the question is no longer authentic…the question remains un-answered…why? WHY as a Pakistani-American woman, I’m not wanted by my Pakistani-American men? Excuse me, did I just grow thorns on my head or a tail on my ass when I moved here which makes you want to run away from me as far as possible? WHY would you rather go back home and marry a fragile, obsequious woman who can barely carry on a conversation yet DATE ME??? WHY do people feed on your weaknesses and not your strengths? It’s like the moment they find out OHhh wait, she is a little “PROtective” about her friends, GREeeeAT, how shall we befriend her friends away from her…let’s toy with her for a while shall we…hmmmh…niiice…if I can manage to work around your weaknesses and care to not piss you off, why is it that you DO the first chance you get? WHY do they still allow senior citizens to drive? I’m not trying to be mean…I know you don’t have someone to take you around and we need to treat you as an equal citizen of this nation as bound by our constitution but why not hire a cab? Speaking of which, who do I have to call here to start a senior-citizen cab service? WHY does something embarrassing always happens to you when you’re dead staring at a good-looking guy and you sooooo want to impress him…like a booger flying east to west, north to south, in one of your nostrils and you KNOW there ain’t nothing you can do about it because if you touch it, you’re not just a loser, you’re a EWWWWWW!!! WHY do people make slow right turns…I’m sorry aren’t those the turns NOT monitored by a traffic light??!! WHY is it that desi women (desi meaning people born in or belong to any of the nations mentioned: India, Pakistan &/or Bangladesh) while searching for their precious bahu (meaning a suitable spouse for their sons) always want a tall, gorree (meaning fair n lovely) girl…I mean really…dark girls don’t breathe or breed these days or what?? And WHY is this atrocity such a norm now that we find ourselves justifying it…like (a desi aunty talking) “well you see my son is a doctor and he’s from a good family so he wants a tall, fair and good-looking girl”…hmmmh…or better yet…(another desi aunty talking away) “well you see my son’s fair too so he wants someone just as fair as him”…now…where in the f**kin book of life does it say if you’re born fair, you marry fair??? Huh??? People…jungle fever ain’t that bad especially when it happens within your own darn culture…embrace it! Aiight moving on…WHY do you answer the phone when you don’t know how to speak English? Who were you expecting when I called? Someone who doesn’t know how to speak English just like you? What are the odds of that…happening…in a land where English IS the widely-spoken language??!!! Do you realize you only waste my valuable time when you do that…because then I begin to search for creative ways to communicate with you because what I’m thinking here as the logical person that I am, IF you picked up the phone, then you MUST know some English, rite? {Scoffs scoffs} yea rite! I’m holding the receiver pondering…I say… “ma’am ISsss Jose at Hoooome?”…you say “uggh Que?”…hmmh I say to myself, that didn’t work so lemme try this again, I say “mama-sita, Heee Jose Aqui??”...you wait and reply “Que?”…I whisper “what the f***k”…there was only ONE English word there…HE??? How difficult is that…if you can’t understand HE than why did you pick up the phone?? WHY?? See? You just wasted my time…okay before I move on, I’d like to note that I sincerely do NOT mean NO OFFENSE to my Spanish homies!! I love you guys…you by far are one of the most peaceful and innocent creatures I know of in this country…so please no offense to my Spanish people, I was only making a reference here…as I will make many many more to many many others…to come…you know anything can happen on the other end…someone could be speaking Vietnamese or Hindi for all I know…I love you regardless!!! But I do need to warn you that when it comes to doggin people, I dog mine the BEST!! Okay well…SO here’s the inspiration to OUR blog…

So peeps I hand the keys on the keyboard over to my friend who will and I must emphasize WILL entertain you with her thoughts…bring it on sista!!!

signed: Thinker-Bell